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Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.5

Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. 5
Nowadays people are marching rapidly towards digitized environment. Technologies have literally boomed attracting the younger generations by means of electronic gadgets. In recent days, there are stories published in the newspapers how children’s are influenced over the non academic interests. Surprisingly, a survey shows children’s from the age of 5 to 14 are the victims for electronic gadgets. Apparently, every child would possess the skills in some kind of sports. Parents need to identify the talent and bring it to limelight appropriately. For few people the budding talent of their child or a student remains as a Hobby for their lifetime. This is the most essential thing for the younger generations because in later stages every individual need to have a hobby apart from their daily routine to satisfy their personal interests, happiness, physical fitness and eventually a good health. Furthermore, corporate culture forcefully pushes the individuals to adopt a hobby. Frustration and depression is prevailing across the industries, only with the pertinent entertainment hubs and recreation clubs the companies are functioning. However it’s all up to the individual’s perspective on spending quality time with colleagues, friends and playing a sport. From the society perspective, I would say hobbies improve the ambience and well-being of the locality. There are many private clubs organizing environmental and safety programs which portrays the significance of cleanliness, safe driving, good health, adopting an orphanage etc. In my knowledge I have seen people promoting the Slogan “Cycle to Office”. This started with 5 members last year and now they are 350 and still counting. All in all, hobbies are vital part of our lifestyle and it’s obvious that pros and cons depends on individuals approach.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are marching
rapidly
towards digitized environment. Technologies have
literally
boomed attracting the younger generations by means of electronic gadgets. In recent days, there are stories published in the newspapers how children’s
are influenced
over the
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non academic
interests.
Surprisingly
, a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
children’s from the age of 5 to 14 are the victims for electronic gadgets.

Apparently
, every child would possess the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of sports. Parents need to identify the talent and bring it to limelight
appropriately
. For few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the budding talent of their child or a student remains as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobby
for their lifetime. This is the most essential thing for the younger generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in later stages every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
apart from their daily routine to satisfy their personal interests, happiness, physical fitness and
eventually
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

Furthermore
, corporate culture
forcefully
pushes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to adopt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. Frustration and depression is prevailing across the industries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with the pertinent entertainment hubs and recreation clubs the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are functioning.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it’s all up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
perspective on spending quality time with colleagues, friends and playing a sport.

From the society perspective, I would say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ambience and well-being of the locality. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private clubs organizing environmental and safety programs which portrays the significance of cleanliness, safe driving,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health, adopting an orphanage etc. In my knowledge I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
promoting the Slogan “Cycle to Office”. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 5 members last year and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are 350 and
still
counting.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are vital part of our lifestyle and it’s obvious that pros and cons depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
approach.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. 5

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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