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Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.2

Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. 2
It is argued that children from poor families can manage adult life issues more easily than rich kids. I completely agree that low income houses can better prepare the kids to face harsh conditions in adulthood. This essay will, firstly discuss how poverty helps children to understand the importance of hard work and secondly, will illustrate that these kids can easily deal with money management in adulthood. First and foremost, children brought up by parents of low income status understand that achievements can only be acquired through hard work. In other words, they are aware that their parents have to struggle to satisfy the basic needs of the family and hence, they grow up with the same thoughts that people have to work hard in order to succeed in adult life. For instance, it was recently reported in the Times that 95% of young adults who came from destitute families would readily accept any demanding job, even though they are overqualified, as compared to only 2% of those who were already rich as kids. Another reason why children from low income families can better deal with adulthood problems is that they are more prepared to manage their budget. This is to say that, while observing their parents allocate the monthly share of their income to basic needs and not disbursing money on luxury items, the young ones learn to develop essential skills such as money management and decision making. For example, a study carried out in 2018 by the University of Greenwich revealed that 8 out of 10 young adults who are massively indebted came from rich families while only 10% of those were poor as kids. In conclusion, poor parents can prepare their children in a better way to face the hardships of adulthood since they show their kids to work hard to achieve something and also, they inculcate in the young minds how to manage their income.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can manage adult life issues more
easily
than rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can better prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to face harsh conditions in adulthood. This essay will,
firstly
discuss how poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
secondly
, will illustrate that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
easily
deal with money management in adulthood.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brought up by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
status understand that achievements can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be acquired
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In other words
, they are aware that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle to satisfy the basic needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
hence
, they grow up with the same thoughts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in order to succeed in adult life.
For instance
, it was recently reported in the Times that 95% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who came from destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
would
readily
accept any demanding job,
even though
they
are overqualified
, as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% of those who were already rich as kids.

Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can better deal with adulthood problems is that they are more prepared to manage their budget. This is to say that, while observing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
allocate the monthly share of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to basic needs and not disbursing money on luxury items, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones learn to develop essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as money management and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.
For example
, a study carried out in 2018 by the University of Greenwich revealed that 8 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who are
massively
indebted came from rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of those were poor as kids.

In conclusion
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a better way to face the hardships of adulthood since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to achieve something and
also
, they inculcate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds how to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Few People devote time to Hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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