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To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. Give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience. v.1

with the following statement: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 1
It is true that young people can be good leaders at companies or organisations. Young people are usually physically stronger and can handle a heavy workload. For example, they can be more creative at work and come up with extraordinary ideas or initiatives which may lead to fruitful results. Being a leader requires people to work with much pressure, and old people are often not capable of doing that. Additionally, younger people are usually more creative, so they are more likely to find newer and better improvements which benefit the entire organisation. However, older people have worked for many years and they have a great experience. Furthermore, older leaders have a more powerful voice and old aged people are respected by others. They can allow members of a company to find optimal solutions when it comes to a pivotal decision point. Therefore, older people have a deeper understanding about the entrepreneurial culture of the company and they capable of running the business more efficiently. After comparing younger and older people's qualities it becomes clear that older people are more preferable to be leaders. They can have a more powerful voice within the company, and people are more likely to listen to them. As the time spent working with the staff of the senior is often longer, they can understand their colleagues better, achieving more popularity. It Is interpersonal communication skills and approval of other people that can tremendously affect the success of a leader. Younger members, on the other hand, will need more time To make contributions over time to prove themselves worthy. To conclude, I believe that older leaders can bring more success to companies and organisations.
It is true that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
physically
stronger and can handle a heavy workload.
For example
, they can be more creative at work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or initiatives which may lead to fruitful results. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work with much pressure, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not capable of doing that.
Additionally
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
more creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are more likely to find newer and better improvements which benefit the entire
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they have a great experience.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
have a more powerful voice and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are respected
by others. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
members of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to find optimal solutions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a pivotal decision point.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a deeper understanding about the entrepreneurial culture of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
they capable of running the business more
efficiently
. After comparing younger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's qualities it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more preferable to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
. They can have a more powerful voice within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to listen to them. As the time spent working with the staff of the senior is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
longer, they can understand their colleagues better, achieving more popularity. It

Is interpersonal communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and approval of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can
tremendously
affect the success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
. Younger members,
on the other hand
, will need more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
time


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contributions over time to prove themselves worthy.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
can bring more success to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay with the following statement: Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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