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Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v.2

Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v. 2
It is an inescapable fact that nowadays individuals prefer to spend less time on the activities they like, due to which there is an increase in their stress and irritation levels. This essay will study the different reasons for this trend and their possible effects on a particular person and on the community as a whole. There are many factors that contribute in reduction of time given to extra-curricular activities by individuals. First and foremost, it is the pressure of work faced by people these days. With an addition in the number of working hours, people tend to get tired easily and are not left with sufficient energy to devote time to their favorite activities. Secondly, the responsibilities and commitment towards family makes it, further, difficult for an individual to take out time for himself. For instance, the parents who have young children are often found to be indulged in improving their child' s ability or proving them better lifestyle. hence, they are unable think about themselves over their children. This trend could have detrimental effects, both on the person as well as the society. Firstly, the individual will have raised levels of stress and inconvenience, thus, decreasing the happiness quotient in them. This could in return have an adverse effect on their health and their performance at work. Moreover, as per society' s perspective, there is an isolation that can been seen among people which effects the relationships of the local community. For example, earlier people with similar interest use to interact and spend time with one another, which brought peace and harmony in the community. While today, people do not even communicate with their neighbors which hampers the contribution of the individual towards community' s progress. To summarize, people paying less attention to their hobbies, may lead to under-development of the individual and hindrance for the growth of society.
It is an inescapable fact that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
prefer to spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the activities they like, due to which there is an increase in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and irritation levels. This essay will study the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons for this trend and their possible effects on a particular person and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
as a whole.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that contribute in reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to extra-curricular activities by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
First
and foremost, it is the pressure of work faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days. With an addition in the number of working hours,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired
easily
and are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with sufficient energy to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their favorite activities.
Secondly
, the responsibilities and commitment towards family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it,
further
, difficult for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for himself.
For instance
, the parents who have young children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found to
be indulged
in improving their
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s ability or proving them better lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hence
, they are unable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about themselves over their children.

This trend could have detrimental effects, both on the person
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the society.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will have raised levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and inconvenience,
thus
, decreasing the happiness quotient in them. This could in return have an adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on their health and their performance at work.
Moreover
, as per
Possible spelling mistake found.
society&
#039; s perspective, there is an isolation that
Did you mean "can be" or "has been"?
can been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which effects the relationships of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with similar interest
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
interact and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with one another, which brought peace and harmony in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even communicate with their neighbors which hampers the contribution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
community&
#039; s progress.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
paying less attention to their hobbies, may lead to under-development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and hindrance for the growth of society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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