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Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. v. 1
This is a common business model that some junk food restaurant owners promote their products with free toys in recent years. Some people argue that this strategy should be banned. In my opinion, I firmly agree with this statement because of following reasons. One reason is this policy can reduce obesity problems in society, especially for young generations. There are several articles point out that children are easy to gain more weight and develop an illness which should be happened in elder aging, compared to the past twenty years. This is a consequence of the artificial ingredients they obtained. Ending this marketing strategy can diminish the young people's craving for possessing hamburgers and toys at the same time, thus lower their opportunity to absorb the foods which contain less nutritious but high calories. Another reason is that prohibiting giving toys without charging with unhealthy meals can cut down the unnecessary waste for the environment. Since fast-food restaurant provides services at a fast pace, they have been intriguing some consumers to purchase junk food for saving time. For instance, some office workers who head to the KFC in the noon for efficiency. Playing is not their main purpose to walk into the store. It is a high possibility they tend to abandon the toy in the trash once they receive it. The kindness offers become meaningful and harmful to the environment. In conclusion, it seems to me that banning the promotion of selling convenience food with free toys can benefit the society and the environment by reducing the fatness issue and garbage.
This is a common business model that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurant owners promote their products with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that this strategy should
be banned
. In my opinion, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

One reason is this policy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
obesity problems in society,
especially
for young generations. There are several articles point out that children are easy to gain more weight and develop an illness which should
be happened
in elder aging, compared to the past twenty years. This is a consequence of the artificial ingredients they obtained. Ending this marketing strategy can diminish the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's craving for possessing hamburgers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
at the same time,
thus
lower their opportunity to absorb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which contain less nutritious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
high calories.

Another reason is that prohibiting giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
without charging with unhealthy meals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the unnecessary waste for the environment. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurant provides services at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace, they have been intriguing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for saving time.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
office workers who head to the KFC in the noon for efficiency. Playing is not their main purpose to walk into the store. It is a high possibility they tend to abandon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
in the trash once they receive it. The kindness offers become meaningful and harmful to the environment.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that banning the promotion of selling convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can benefit the society and the environment by reducing the fatness issue and garbage.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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