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Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? v.2

Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? v. 2
Nowadays, plenty of flora and fauna are demised because of humans’ activities. Nations might be informed why these creatures’ safety are endangered for many decades, but the lack of enough information and a shortage of budget may be the leading reasons why this issue has not been addressed. I personally believe that governments should take responsibility more to solve it. To begin with, one important reason is that people are not appropriately notified via media. Clearly, the best source of information is news or some documentary programmes shown on television or the Internet; however, unfortunately, their coverage is not sufficient. In particular, billions of fishes died in Persian Gulf Sea during Iran-Iraq war from 1982 to 1989 due to oil spillage, while no organisation became responsible in giving enough data to people. Had citizens of Iran known more about it, more practical implementations would have applied by the related organisations or individuals. Therefore, to solve similar accidents, it is essential that the local media work more closely with the related sectors to inform viewers and find more phenomenal solutions to prohibit such devastating environmental disasters. Another factor is scarce of the needed funds for having better proactive strategies. Obviously, to raise the safety of wildlife, administrations must spend a remarkable amount of money to protect vegetations or animals. For example, the US government was better to escalate the funds needed for the protection of extinct mammals which were hunted by poachers during last three decades. As a result, international organisations should value more livestock and plants and push state authorities to spend more money on the protection of these creatures. In conclusion, although nations know about the extinction of live creatures, more actions are needed. From my perspective, each medium must expose more the consequences of this problem to the public than before, and international organisations must be more active to elevate the needed funds for expansion of this protection.
Nowadays,
Possible agreement error. The noun flora seems to be countable; consider using: "plenty of florae", "plenty of floras".
plenty of flora
and fauna
are demised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of humans’ activities. Nations might
be informed
why these creatures’ safety
are endangered
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information and a shortage of budget may be the leading reasons why this issue has not
been addressed
. I
personally
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take responsibility more to solve it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not
appropriately
notified via media.
Clearly
, the best source of information is news or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
documentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
shown on television or the Internet;
however
, unfortunately, their coverage is not sufficient.
In particular
, billions of fishes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in Persian Gulf Sea during Iran-Iraq war from 1982 to 1989 due to oil spillage, while no
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
became responsible in giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
data to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Had citizens of Iran known more about it, more practical implementations would have applied by the related
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
or individuals.
Therefore
, to solve similar accidents, it is essential that the local media work more
closely
with the related sectors to inform viewers and find more phenomenal solutions to prohibit such devastating environmental disasters.

Another factor is scarce of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needed
funds for having better proactive strategies.
Obviously
, to raise the safety of wildlife, administrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a remarkable amount of money to protect
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegetations
or animals.
For example
, the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
was better to escalate the funds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needed
for the protection of extinct mammals which
were hunted
by poachers during last three decades.
As a result
, international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should value more livestock and plants and push state authorities to spend more money on the protection of these creatures.

In conclusion
, although nations know about the extinction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
creatures, more actions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needed
. From my perspective, each medium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
expose more the consequences of this problem to the public than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be more active to elevate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needed
funds for expansion of this protection.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Far too little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out, although people have been aware of this problem for a long time. Why do people do so little about it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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