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Families who send their children to private school should not be required to pay taxes that support the state educational system Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Families who send their children to private school should not be required to pay taxes that support the state educational system v. 1
Nowadays, the culture has become a vital part in the life of people. Children go to private places for approaching the high level education by their parents. They should not be required to give the money as taxes. Because they assist the government, discipline system. I completely disagree with the given hook. I will discuss the certain reasons behind this phenomenon in the below paragraphs. First of all, the government does not force anyone to educate his children in a private school. Likewise, someone chooses to send his child to a private school, he accepts the higher fee willingly. To cite an example, from a practical point of view, affluent citizens send their children to private schools and they are higher tax payers. Such as, if they are excused from the tariff, the government would have a hard time managing the state-supported training system. Besides, a double standard in rate would create an outcry among the populace. Secondly, all citizens should spontaneously pay the discipline, duty to fulfil their duty to the country. The money collected through tax is used to run the discipline system of the country. Finally, not all citizens utilise the services that are provided to the public by the tariff payers money. For instance, many city-dwellers always turn to private health care services despite they pay taxes for the state-owned medical facilities. This is why dual duty policy for individuals who send their offspring to a private school would deteriorate the whole levy collecting arrangement. In conclusion, I strongly support that every citizen, no matter whether they send their children to public or private schools, should pay the price to contribute to enhancing the information scheme of the country.
Nowadays, the culture has become a vital part in the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
places for approaching the high level education by their parents. They should not
be required
to give the money as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they assist the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, discipline system. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
hook. I will discuss the certain reasons behind this phenomenon in the below paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not force anyone to educate his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Likewise
, someone chooses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
his child to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he accepts the higher fee
willingly
. To cite an example, from a practical point of view, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schools and
they are higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payers. Such as, if they
are excused
from the tariff, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time managing the state-supported training system.
Besides
, a double standard in rate would create an outcry among the populace.

Secondly
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
should
spontaneously
pay the discipline, duty to fulfil their duty to the country. The money collected through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to run the discipline system of the country.

Finally
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the services that
are provided
to the public by the tariff payers money.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
city-dwellers always turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
health care services despite they pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for the state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
medical facilities. This is why dual duty policy for individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their offspring to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would deteriorate the whole levy collecting arrangement.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
, no matter whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to public or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, should pay the price to contribute to enhancing the information scheme of the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Families who send their children to private school should not be required to pay taxes that support the state educational system v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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