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Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough To what extent do you agree with this statement v.1

Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough 1
There is a lot of debate about who should pay for recreational facilities in local communities. Although some people believe the business sector should provide these facilities, it is my opinion that this is the role of government. Some people think that companies should do more to support local communities. By providing sports and social facilities, it is argued that companies can directly benefit communities. Sports facilities will mean the local people are healthier and social facilities will provide meeting places and cultural attractions which will enrich people’s lives. However, it is likely that companies will see this as a way to advertise and may build facilities simply to improve the image of their brand. To illustrate, a recent study conducted by the Joint Economic Committee has revealed that more than a half of local sport and social facilities are privately funded. Personally, I believe that the government should be responsible for providing recreational facilities. If they are provided by the government, facilities can be ad-free, aimed solely at improving life in the community. Taxes on businesses could be used to fund these facilities, but the building and maintenance should be carried out by the authorities. All local businesses could be taxed, which would be more effective than just a few companies providing facilities. This solution provides facilities that will improve the community and are paid for by the business sector. In conclusion, it is debatable whether the government or the local businesses are responsible for building local recreational facilities. Personally, it is better for the authorities to provide recreational facilities as businesses use them mainly for personal advertising.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debate about who should pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sector should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
these facilities, it is my opinion that this is the role of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should do more to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. By providing sports and social facilities, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
directly
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. Sports facilities will mean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier and social facilities will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
meeting places and cultural attractions which will enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, it is likely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as a way to advertise and may build facilities
simply
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the image of their brand. To illustrate, a recent study conducted by the Joint Economic Committee has revealed that more than a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
sport and social facilities are
privately
funded.

Personally
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
facilities. If they
are provided
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, facilities can be ad-free, aimed
solely
at improving life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fund these facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the building and maintenance should
be carried
out by the authorities. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
could
be taxed
, which would be more effective than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
providing facilities. This solution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
facilities that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
are paid
for by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sector.

In conclusion
, it is debatable whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are responsible for building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
facilities.
Personally
, it is better for the authorities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
facilities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
mainly
for personal advertising.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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