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‘Failure is proof that desire wasn’t strong enough’ To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

‘Failure is proof that desire wasn’t strong enough’ v. 1
Failure is the state or the condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success. It is often argued that, lack of accomplishment is the evidence of absence of aspiration or the person was not determined enough to reach the goals. While, I personally do not agree with the statement because, failing can happen due to many reasons and it is not only bound to one's determination. To begin with, firstly, some people fail not because they lack knowledge or talent, but, because they do not trust themselves that, they can do this and, before even trying they just quit. For instance, if one individual fails once to achieve their desired targets, at some point they start to believe that, they will face failure again if they give it an another try. Also, people do not even try to learn from their past experiences that where they lacked and what kind of mistakes they had made in the past that have led the to failing their targets. Consequently, lack of self-confidence to achieve goals always lead to an unsuccessful situation not a success. Secondly, people who have zero discipline can never be a successful in their lives. Have you ever heard that, anyone who has accomplished something worthwhile has never done it without discipline? For example, people with no self-control, sacrifice, and avoid distractions and temptations can never be stayed focused toward their goals, hence failed in gaining success. In conclusion, failure can happen due to any reason, at any stage of life, or to anyone because of some sort of misshapen or incident in their lives. Additionally, it depends on a person that how they see their failure? As a good news or a bad news and how hard they try to a successful person in their lives regardless of failures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Failure
is the state or the condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may
be viewed
as the opposite of success. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, lack of accomplishment is the evidence of absence of aspiration or the person was not determined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to reach the goals. While, I
personally
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, failing can happen due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons and it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bound to one's determination.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack knowledge or talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not trust themselves that, they can do this and,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even trying they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
quit.
For instance
, if one individual fails once to achieve their desired targets, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to believe that, they will face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
again if they give it
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a try" or "another try".
an another try
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even try to learn from their
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
that where they lacked and what kind of mistakes they had made in the past that have led the to failing their targets.
Consequently
, lack of self-confidence to achieve goals always lead to an unsuccessful situation not a success.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have zero discipline can never be a successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Have you ever heard that, anyone who has accomplished something worthwhile has never done it without discipline?
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no self-control, sacrifice, and avoid distractions and temptations can never
be stayed
focused toward their goals,
hence
failed in gaining success.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
can happen due to any reason, at any stage of life, or to anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of misshapen or incident in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Additionally
, it depends on a person that how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
? As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they try to a successful person in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘Failure is proof that desire wasn’t strong enough’ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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