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Explain sustainability by using the example of the printing company provided by the professor. v.1

Explain sustainability by using the example of the printing company provided by the professor. v. 1
Skills such as reading, writing and math have always been considered important. With the invention of computers, some people are of the view that computer skills should also form part of the education system. I firmly believe that computer skills should be a compulsory part of the curriculum because people can get better jobs and solve complex problems with the help of computers. Firstly, computer skills should be compulsorily taught in the schools and colleges because companies are looking for candidates who have at least basic knowledge in the field of computer. This is because people who do not possess the requisite skills in the area of computers are not efficient. In other words, they will find a lot of adversities in getting a decent job. For example, a leading job portal reports that 95% of companies are looking for candidates who are well versed in computer skills. Thus, I completely believe that introducing this skill will eventually help the prospective job candidates to tackle the competition in their workplace. Secondly, computers can solve complex problems that arise in the workplace with the help of artificial intelligence. Computers have brought about a paradigm shift in the way work is now being performed. Despite the fact that some sort of human intervention is required, most of the jobs in any domain can be performed efficiently with computers. For instance, a survey conducted by the Christ University revealed / found that most of the complex problems at the workplace could be solved with the help of computers using artificial intelligence. To conclude, computer lessons should be made a mandatory part of the school curriculum because in this day and age it is impossible to live or work without computers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
such as reading, writing and math have always
been considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. With the invention of computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
also
form part of the education system. I
firmly
believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be a compulsory part of the curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and solve complex problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of computers.

Firstly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should be
compulsorily
taught in the schools and colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for candidates who have at least basic knowledge in the field of computer. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not possess the requisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the area of computers are not efficient.
In other words
, they will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
adversities in getting a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, a leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
portal reports that 95% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for candidates who are well versed in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Thus
, I completely believe that introducing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
candidates to tackle the competition in their workplace.

Secondly
, computers can solve complex problems that arise in the workplace with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of artificial intelligence. Computers have brought about a paradigm shift in the way work is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being performed
. Despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of human intervention
is required
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in any domain can
be performed
efficiently
with computers.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the Christ University revealed / found that most of the complex problems at the workplace could
be solved
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of computers using artificial intelligence.

To conclude
, computer lessons should
be made
a mandatory part of the school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this day and age it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or work without computers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Explain sustainability by using the example of the printing company provided by the professor. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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