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Explain an memory that motivate you to make an important decision? v.1

Explain an memory that motivate you to make an important decision? v. 1
It was the middle of June that I found Rapunzel. It was not Rapunzel, which I found after a long time, they were my dreams, that breath again. Rapunzel was my first barbie and first souvenir, which I did not choose by myself, yet it was similar to what I wanted. I was so young, around 4 or 5, and from all things that they talked about, I understood that my mother`s cousin (Ali Najafi) brings this gorgeous barbie from a planet that called Europe for me. I concluded that he went there to study, so everyone can go to this planet just by studying (actually he went there for research), and again, I assumed that where he studied was not good enough that he came back. I made a sequent conclusion and decided to go there by my dear Rapunzel so that I asked my mother to introduce a country to me on this planet; consequently, She explained a country that I could not memorize its name. However, I understood that there is full of various flowers with wonderful weather and somewhere new, after that I promised to Rapunzel and myself to travel there. All summer, when my mother practiced English to me and told me that I could communicate with this language to people from all over the world, I tried hard to learn new vocabulary as more as I can, and my childhood pasted with the songs of magic English movies. But, as I grow, Rapunzel and my dream become pale; eventually, I put Rapunzel and the dream of immigration to Europe into the box. A long-time pasted until we decided to change our house, I found that old box which brought me to around thirteen years ago, when I decided to immigrate to Netherland. A thought pops into my mind to apply for a university. I know IELTS is a long term process, and four months is a short time to get ready for IELTS which I can achieve the needed score for three skills and just one skill left; however, I think that I can obtain the left one too. I always strive to be my best, and my various abilities in handling different tasks could be a big help for me to participate in a challenging course. I am a good orator, and most of the people around me believe that I can be a successful lawyer due to my power to convince people; however, it is too hard in English. Also, I can solve physic, math, and chemistry problems I like to deal with complex ones and working with numbers or using the intelligent method.
It was the middle of June that I found Rapunzel. It was not Rapunzel, which I found after a long time, they were my dreams, that breath again. Rapunzel was my
first
barbie and
first
souvenir, which I did not choose by myself,
yet
it was similar to what I wanted. I was
so
young, around 4 or 5, and from all things that they talked about, I understood that my
mother`s
cousin (Ali
Najafi
) brings this gorgeous barbie from a planet that called Europe for me. I concluded that he went there to study,
so
everyone can go to this planet
just
by studying (actually he went there for research), and again, I assumed that where he studied was not
good
enough
that he came back.
I
made a
sequent
conclusion and decided to go there by my dear Rapunzel
so
that I asked my mother to introduce a country to me on this planet;
consequently
, She
explained
a country that I could not memorize its name.
However
, I understood that there is full of various flowers with wonderful weather and somewhere new, after that I promised to Rapunzel and
myself
to travel there. All summer, when my mother practiced English to me and
told
me that I could communicate with this language to
people
from all over the world, I tried
hard
to learn new vocabulary as
more
as
I can, and my childhood pasted with the songs of magic English movies.
But
, as I grow, Rapunzel and my dream become pale;
eventually
, I put Rapunzel and the dream of immigration to Europe into the box. A long-time pasted until we decided to
change
our
house
, I found that
old
box which brought me to around thirteen years ago, when I decided to immigrate to
Netherland
. A
thought
pops
into my mind to
apply for a university
. I know IELTS is a long term process, and four months is a short time to
get
ready for IELTS which I can achieve the needed score for three
skills
and
just
one
skill
left
;
however
, I
think
that I can obtain the
left
one too. I always strive to be my best, and my various abilities in handling
different
tasks could be a
big
help
for me to participate in a challenging course.
I
am a
good
orator, and most of the
people
around me believe that I can be a successful lawyer due to my power to convince
people
;
however
, it is too
hard
in English.
Also
, I can solve physic, math, and chemistry problems I like to deal with complex ones and working with numbers or using the intelligent method.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Explain an memory that motivate you to make an important decision? v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
442 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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