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Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? hect v.5

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? hect v. 5
Owing to the sedentary lifestyle, people these days hardly get involved in physical activities which eventually makes them unhealthy. The main reason for this is the surge in the work pressures and household responsibilities. To combat this issue, companies are required to organize fitness events and there is a need for active participation by the employees. The crucial reason for the less involvement of people in a physical workout is the excessive workload and busy schedules. To elaborate, they usually work for 9 to 10 hours, and rest of the time consumed in travelling on congested roads, leaving minimal or no time for exercise. As a consequence, they get prone to various diseases such as obesity, high blood pressure and muscular strains. For instance, research by the 'Healthcare Association', in India more than 40% of the people working in multinational companies are suffering from obesity. Therefore, there is no doubt that a busy lifestyle is certainly affecting the health of people adversely. In order to alleviate this problem, various measures are required. The first and foremost is that companies should organize some events to make their employees fit and healthy. Such as Fit for life event is organized by TCS which ensures the engagement of its employees in various physical events such as running, dancing and yoga. Moreover, people should also get aware of the serious repercussions of the lack of exercise and make exercise as part of their daily regime. Thus, it is appropriate to say that workout has become need of an hour. In conclusion, there is a lack of exercise in most of the working people due to their packed schedules. To remedy this problem, energetic events should be organised by companies and participation should be made mandatory.
Owing to the sedentary lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in physical activities which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unhealthy. The main reason for this is the surge in the work pressures and household responsibilities. To combat this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are required
to organize fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and there is a need for active participation by the employees.

The crucial reason for the less involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a physical workout is the excessive workload and busy schedules. To elaborate, they
usually
work for 9 to 10 hours, and rest of the time consumed in travelling on congested roads, leaving minimal or no time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. As a consequence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prone to various diseases such as obesity, high blood pressure and muscular strains.
For instance
, research by the 'Healthcare Association', in India more than 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are suffering from obesity.
Therefore
, there is no doubt that a busy lifestyle is
certainly
affecting the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adversely
.

In order to alleviate this problem, various measures
are required
. The
first
and foremost is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their employees fit and healthy. Such as Fit for life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is organized
by TCS which ensures the engagement of its employees in various physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as running, dancing and yoga.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware of the serious repercussions of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as part of their daily regime.
Thus
, it is appropriate to say that workout has become need of an hour.

In conclusion
, there is a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in most of the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to their packed schedules. To remedy this problem, energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should be
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organise' and 'organize') within a single text.
organised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and participation should
be made
mandatory.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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French Proverb

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? hect v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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