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Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v.4

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 4
Some professionals claims that elderly people were happier and healthier in the past because they are more active and they spent more time with family and friends. However, there are some older people today are suffering from loneliness and health problems. This is brought by a number of reasons, but there are ways by which this problem may be dealt with. For the past decades, older people are used to be cheerful and physically fit because of the lacking of technology. But today, some of them are busy checking up their social media accounts, surfing the internet and watching movies with their handheld gadgets at home which can make them feel isolated. In effect, this will probably affect their daily lifestyle and can cause mental disorder like depression and anxiety as they are used to be alone. Furthermore, elderly people in the past used to eat vegetables that can make them healthy. Unlike now, there are many unhealthy foods that are being produced in the market. These kinds of products probably contain preservatives, chemicals, additives that dangerous for the health and can cause life threatening dieases in the long run. Nonetheless, there are ways that this problem can be solved. With the help with younger members of the family, they should be the one checking up their parents regularly. To illustrate, they should encourage their older family member to have exercise daily instead of focusing on electronic gadgets which is not good for the health. In addition, these people should always prepare nutritious food such as vegetables, fruit, lean meat and fish which will make them healthier and have a well balanced diet. In summary, health problems and loneliness of elderly people can be attributed to a number of factors. Nevertheless, with the initiative of their children and also their cooperation. there are ways by which this problem may be ultimately solved.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals
You should probably use "claim".
claims
that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were happier and healthier in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
active and
they spent more time with family and friends.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are suffering from loneliness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This
is brought
by a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are ways by which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may
be dealt
with.

For the past decades, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be cheerful and
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lacking of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are busy checking up their social media accounts, surfing the internet and watching movies with their handheld gadgets at home which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel isolated. In effect, this will
probably
affect their daily lifestyle and can cause mental disorder like depression and anxiety as they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to being".
used to be
alone.
Furthermore
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat vegetables that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthy. Unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy foods that are
being produced
in the market. These kinds of products
probably
contain preservatives, chemicals, additives that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and can cause life threatening
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieases
in the long run.

Nonetheless, there are ways that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be solved
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with younger members of the family, they should be the one checking up their parents
regularly
. To illustrate, they should encourage their older family member to have exercise daily
instead
of focusing on electronic gadgets which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always prepare nutritious food such as vegetables, fruit, lean meat and fish which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthier and have a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
diet.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loneliness of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be attributed
to a number of factors.
Nevertheless
, with the initiative of their children and
also
their cooperation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are ways by which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may be
ultimately
solved.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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