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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v.369

Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 369
It is true that happiness in life is indispensable to lead a peaceful life. While some say, having huge wealth is the main key to being content, but how is this possible? Living a happy life can be considered on other bases as well. On the one hand, those who believe that true contentment of living is from possessing wealth as it allows them to have a luxurious lifestyle. This is because they can afford anything in order to make their life easier, which means they can lead a comfortable and pleasure-loving life. For example, if people have a lot of money to spend, rather than saving every penny, they can afford expensive things such as cars, jewels, properties, and travelling. However, these things cannot be possessed without wealth. Therefore, money acts as a backbone for a high standard of living. Nevertheless, they are also other various life satisfaction which money cannot buy. One of them is to have good health even healthier life is considered the greatest wealth. The reason for this living life without any medical restrictions, which is counted as the biggest blessing. For instance, those who have health issues are restricted to eating certain food, whereas healthy men can eat anything. In contrast, even though the wealthy can afford anything in life, but health crisis will bind him to enjoy such comforts. Another thing to consider is to have a happy family when the living environment is peaceful it keeps the mind satisfied. As a result, these other things give pleasure both mentally and physically in life. In conclusion, despite having a huge amount can help to have a comfortable living as it allows to purchase expensive things without a thought, but other things such as good health and family life also attribute for satisfaction in living peacefully because it gives not only mental relieve but also physical.
It is true that happiness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is indispensable to lead a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say, having huge wealth is the main key to being content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how is this possible?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
be considered
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
bases
as well
.

On the one hand, those who believe that true contentment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is from possessing wealth as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to have a luxurious lifestyle. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can afford anything in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier, which means they can lead a comfortable and pleasure-loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to spend,
rather
than saving every penny, they can afford expensive things such as cars, jewels, properties, and travelling.
However
, these things cannot
be possessed
without wealth.
Therefore
, money acts as a backbone for a high standard of living.

Nevertheless
, they are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction which money cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. One of them is to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
even healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is considered
the greatest wealth. The reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any medical restrictions, which
is counted
as the biggest blessing.
For instance
, those who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
are restricted
to eating certain food, whereas healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can eat anything.
In contrast
,
even though
the wealthy can afford anything in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
crisis will bind him to enjoy such comforts. Another thing to consider is to have a happy family when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
environment is peaceful it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the mind satisfied.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things give pleasure both mentally and
physically
in life.

In conclusion
, despite having a huge amount can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to have a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive things without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
attribute for satisfaction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
peacefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mental relieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physical.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. v. 369

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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