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The group below shows average carbon dioxide(CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v.1

The group below shows average carbon dioxide(CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v. 1
It is common opinion that nowadays the main visitors of cultural places are tourists rather than locals. This essay will conclude several key reasons for this issue and few specific ways of addressing it. Primarily, visiting museums and other historical sightseeing by newcomers is due to some factors. To begin with, tourism itself provides the opportunities for people to discover international culture. Therefore, foreigners are mainly interested attending national places. For instance, places such as the Eiffel Tower in Paris or London eye in London became a commonness for people who live in these cities, while foreigners travel there with the purpose of visiting mentioned sites. Furthermore, the prices of entrance tickets are sufficiently high for local people. In contrast, tourists usually spend much more money while travelling than the native inhabitants in their everyday routine. So that, costs of tickets sometimes do not interfere tourists. In this situation, there are several potential solutions to this problem that can be applied. The obvious fact is that decreasing the prices of tickets may lead to the larger amount of visitors. Another thing to consider is involving locals in attendance of this type of sites by setting lists of attracting advertisements with sales and discounts. Spreading the advertisements of local sightseeing will help to increase the number of locals who visit them. It is connected with the fact that low prices catch more attention from people. Taking into account above points, it can be considered that this issue has evident causes, such as tourists' purposes and high costs. But despite this, the number of solutions, for instance, attracting the attention of locals and declining prices, may be useful to make natives to visit museums and historical places more.
It is common opinion that nowadays the main visitors of cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are tourists
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. This essay will conclude several key reasons for this issue and few specific ways of addressing it.

Primarily
, visiting museums and other historical sightseeing by newcomers is due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, tourism itself provides the opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to discover international culture.
Therefore
, foreigners are
mainly
interested attending national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as the Eiffel Tower in Paris or
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
London eye
in London became a commonness for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in these cities, while foreigners travel there with the purpose of visiting mentioned sites.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of entrance tickets are
sufficiently
high for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In contrast
, tourists
usually
spend much more money while travelling than the native inhabitants in their everyday routine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, costs of tickets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not interfere tourists.

In this situation, there are several potential solutions to this problem that can
be applied
. The obvious fact is that decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of tickets may lead to the larger amount of visitors. Another thing to consider
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
in attendance of this type of sites by setting lists of attracting advertisements with sales and discounts. Spreading the advertisements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
sightseeing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
who visit them. It
is connected
with the fact that low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
catch more attention from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Taking into account above points, it can
be considered
that this issue has evident causes, such as tourists' purposes and high costs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
despite this, the number of solutions,
for instance
, attracting the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
, may be useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
natives to visit museums and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
more.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The group below shows average carbon dioxide(CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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