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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Your job has moreeffect on your happiness than your social life does. v.1

: Your job has moreeffect on your happiness than your social life does. v. 1
Art plays a fundamental role to help us to express our emotions and feelings. I personally believe it has to be added to school syllabus, however, it should never ever replace other essential school subjects thus creating a healthy, balanced educational environment. On the one hand, art has had a vital advantage during a child develops. That’s why it should be seen as an extracurricular subject due to various reasons. Firstly, it definitely prompts the non tangible skills and it improves children's creativity. Secondly, if a student well taught about their cultures and norms through the arts, that would more interesting. As soon as the well exposed to their history, that ultimately gives them a sense of self identity. To exemplify, knowing about the Monalisa painting, which was done by Leonardo, could eventually encourage them to know about the 17th century era. On the other hand, there are core materials such as mathematics and science. Those subjects without a doubt couldn’t replace by arts because they would be a source of living in the future. Moreover, to pursue a successful career. for instance, a good child at mathematics could be prepared to study the architecture when reaching an advanced age. Thus, the most appropriate approach for a successful school is to teach all subjects equally. In conclusion, I strongly advocate that even though art has a meaningful role to a minor, it is impossible to substitute the major curriculum, which could assist a child to secure a better future life and to receive the best income.
Art
plays a fundamental role to
help
us to express our emotions and feelings. I
personally
believe it
has to
be
added
to school syllabus,
however
, it should never ever replace other essential school
subjects
thus
creating a healthy, balanced educational environment.

On the one hand,
art
has had a vital advantage during a child develops. That’s why it should be
seen
as an extracurricular
subject
due to various reasons.
Firstly
, it definitely prompts the
non tangible
skills
and it
improves
children's creativity.
Secondly
, if a student well taught about their cultures and norms through the
arts
, that would more interesting. As
soon
as the well exposed to their history, that
ultimately
gives them a sense of self identity. To exemplify, knowing about the
Monalisa
painting, which
was done
by Leonardo, could
eventually
encourage them to know about the 17th century era.

On the other hand
, there are core materials such as mathematics and science. Those
subjects
without a doubt couldn’t replace by
arts
because
they would be a source of living in the future.
Moreover
, to pursue a successful career.
for
instance, a
good
child at mathematics could
be prepared
to study the architecture when reaching an advanced age.
Thus
, the most appropriate approach for a successful school is to teach all
subjects
equally
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
advocate that
even though
art
has a meaningful role to a minor, it is impossible to substitute the major curriculum, which could assist a child to secure a better future life and to receive the best income.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay : Your job has moreeffect on your happiness than your social life does. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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