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Experts say that if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people do not exercise and spend time alone. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved? v.1

Experts say that if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people do not exercise and spend time alone. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved? v. 1
Some people believe that if senior citizens increase their social interaction and keep themselves physically active they can lead to a healthy and happy life but most of them do not do so. This essay will try to identify the reasons behind this and offer some possible resolutions for the same. There can be several causes behind this trend. First, many seniors live alone. Their children have migrated to cities in search of better employment. Consequently, they are alone most of the time. While going out and talking to neighbours is still possible, many elderly people choose to stay within the confines of their home. This could be due to the nagging aches and pains that afflict everyone as they age. Unfortunately, when they do not move about much, their health deteriorates even further. There are also some seniors who believe that they have discharged all of their duties and there is nothing more for them to do. They also tend to live a life of inactivity and seclusion. There can be some possible solutions to this issue. Governments and private organizations should offer jobs to senior citizens. This benefits them as well as the organization because they can stay mentally and socially occupied while putting their extensive experience and expertise to good use. Seniors are experienced people. There should be avenues for them to use their knowledge and experience for the benefit of them. For example, they can engage in community work. Also, the older people should indulge more in the hobbies they find interesting. Gardening for instance, can keep a person on his toes and physically fit. Furthermore, the older generation people can join local clubs with their peers and friends to reduce loneliness. To conclude, older people lead a sedentary and isolated lifestyle mainly due to age related ailments that restrict their movement. In my opinion, they can solve these problems to a great extent by getting involved in community work and pursuing a hobby.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens increase their social interaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves
physically
active they can lead to a healthy and happy life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay will try to identify the reasons behind this and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible resolutions for the same.

There can be several causes behind this trend.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. Their children have migrated to cities in search of better employment.
Consequently
, they are alone most of the time. While going out and talking to
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is
still
possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay within the confines of their home. This could be due to the nagging aches and pains that afflict everyone as they age. Unfortunately, when they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
about much, their health deteriorates even
further
. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
who believe that they have discharged all of their duties and there is nothing more for them to do. They
also
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life of inactivity and seclusion.

There can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to this issue.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and private organizations should offer jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens. This benefits them
as well
as the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can stay mentally and
socially
occupied while putting their extensive experience and expertise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Seniors
are experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There should be avenues for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their knowledge and experience for the benefit of them.
For example
, they can engage in community work.
Also
, the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should indulge more in the hobbies they find interesting. Gardening
for instance
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a person on his toes and
physically
fit.
Furthermore
, the older generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
local clubs with their peers and friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
loneliness.

To conclude
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead a sedentary and isolated lifestyle
mainly
due to age related ailments that restrict their movement. In my opinion, they can solve these problems to a great extent by getting involved in community work and pursuing a hobby.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say that if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people do not exercise and spend time alone. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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