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Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v.2

Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v. 2
It is an undeniable fact that as an individual turns older, the mental and physical capability gets eventually decreasing. Although it is believed that by being socially active and doing consistent exercises the elderly will stay in contentment, but nowadays many of them are going through low physical strength. Let us discuss in this essay the cause and solution of the above phenomenon. To embark upon, the lifestyle of an individual in modern life is way more complicated and stressful, and to lessen up the responsibilities over their head, one takes the decision of asking help from the elders. Hence, this has led to many old aged people to take care of their grandchildren and the house in order to maintain balance in the family environment, eventually causing them to neglect their health. Nevertheless, smart phones has also influenced them to engage their time in watching serials or news and making less time for their fitness. The ultimate solution for the above issue would be if the younger minds of the house can take an initiative to encourage and motivate them to look after their health. Moreover, there are abundant workshops available to enhance and uplift the health of the old-aged through meditation and yoga. Engaging their time into healthy conversations can help them improve their confidence level and to a better state of mind. Therefore, it is really crucial to get them engrossed in any positive activity which will result in greater fitness level. All in all, the fitness level of older people can only be increased if one adopts a healthier lifestyle and dedicates his time for physical activities. However, the younger generation are also equally responsible for the upgradation of health of their elderly relatives and take necessary steps and action to improve the same.
It is an undeniable fact that as an individual turns older, the mental and physical capability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
eventually
decreasing. Although it
is believed
that by being
socially
active and doing consistent exercises the elderly will stay in contentment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are going through low physical strength.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us discuss in this essay the cause and solution of the above phenomenon.

To embark upon, the lifestyle of an individual in modern life is way more complicated and stressful, and to lessen up the responsibilities over their head, one takes the decision of asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the elders.
Hence
, this has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take care of their grandchildren and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in order to maintain balance in the family environment,
eventually
causing them to neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Nevertheless
, smart phones has
also
influenced them to engage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in watching serials or news and making less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their fitness.

The ultimate solution for the above issue would be if the younger minds of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
can take an initiative to encourage and motivate them to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Moreover
, there are abundant workshops available to enhance and uplift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-aged through meditation and yoga. Engaging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
into healthy conversations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their confidence level and to a better state of mind.
Therefore
, it is
really
crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them engrossed in any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activity which will result in greater fitness level.

All in all, the fitness level of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be increased
if one adopts a healthier lifestyle and dedicates his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities.
However
, the younger generation are
also
equally
responsible for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgradation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their elderly relatives and take necessary steps and action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the same.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say if older people spend their time with others and exercise daily will be healthier and happier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss Cause and Solution. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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