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Experts claim that if older people do more exercise they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v.1

Experts claim that if older people do more exercise they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1
The mental and physical health of the elderly has always been of great importance to their loved ones. Experts have opined that exercise would be beneficial for them, however, due physical infirmity and loneliness, they may lead sedentary lives. This could be helped with improving their nutrition, as well as introducing new and engaging physical activities to them. As we get older, the physical ailments one suffers from increase in number and severity. The body’s ability to repair itself reduces, causing a spike in age related illnesses, such as osteoarthiritis, pulmonary diseases, and diabetes. These further inhibit the mobility of the person, as they may be suffering from chronic pain. They also do not consider the alterations necessary for an aging body, and thus, may be consuming an unhealthy diet, leading to a reduced level of fitness. Recently, many older people tend to live alone, contributing further to poorer mental health. A possible solution, thus, would be to monitor any illnesses, and increase physical activity. The elderly often engage in sedentary hobbies, such as watching television, reading, etc, which leaves little time for exercise. Encouraging them to participate in group outdoor activities, such as bird watching, would serve the purpose of socializing, as well as introduce more exercise into their schedule. Motivating them to take an interest in their diet and nutrition would also be beneficial. As they see their efforts bearing fruit and their illnesses and general well-being improving, they will be further motivated to continue. In conclusion, many aged people live sedentary lifestyles due to ailments, improper nutrition and inactive hobbies. Encouraging them to participate in activities they can socialize in, while also exercising, and taking more care of their nutrition, could be beneficial for improving their mental health and physical fitness.
The mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health of the elderly has always been of great importance to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Experts have opined that exercise would be beneficial for them,
however
, due
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
infirmity and loneliness, they may lead sedentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
with improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrition
,
as well
as introducing new and engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to them.

As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ailments one suffers from increase in number and severity. The body’s ability to repair itself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
, causing a spike in age related illnesses, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
osteoarthiritis
, pulmonary diseases, and diabetes. These
further
inhibit the mobility of the person, as they may be suffering from chronic pain. They
also
do not consider the alterations necessary for an aging body, and
thus
, may be consuming an unhealthy diet, leading to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
level of fitness. Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone, contributing
further
to poorer mental health.

A possible solution,
thus
, would be to monitor any illnesses, and increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. The elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
engage in sedentary hobbies, such as watching television, reading, etc, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for exercise. Encouraging them to participate in group outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as bird watching, would serve the purpose of socializing,
as well
as introduce more exercise into their schedule. Motivating them to take an interest in their diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrition
would
also
be beneficial. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their efforts bearing fruit and their illnesses and general well-being improving, they will be
further
motivated to continue.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sedentary lifestyles due to ailments, improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrition
and inactive hobbies. Encouraging them to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they can socialize in, while
also
exercising, and taking more care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrition
, could be beneficial for improving their mental health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Experts claim that if older people do more exercise they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly people suffer from a lack of fitness. What are the causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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