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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion 1
Various organizations demand confidential information from people applying for their jobs such as their hobbies, personal interests, and marital status. Although, some Denizens believe that providing personal information is relevant and beneficial for an employer, however, others dissent. In my opinion, I do believe that having access to the personal data of candidates applying for jobs is favourable for both sides; the employees and the company. A certain set of citizens believe that the sensitive data asked by the interviewers help to give more insight into the life of an interviewee. To be more precise, by having knowledge about the preferences of employees helps in the selection of candidate who are more intrigued in working in the organization, moreover, it aids in providing them with the work environment in which one can work with full potential. To exemplify, jobs requiring extensive travelling selects employees who are travel enthusiasts as this not only helps in improving the performance and lowering the attrition rate of a company but also supports in building a successful career of the employee. Some people have this notion that disclosing delicate information to the employer is unsafe as this detail might be used by someone in the organisation for their personal benefits. Simply stating, sharing sensitive details results in biased decision making. The organisation may give priority to candidates based on their self-interest, however, not on their knowledge and experience. To elucidate, giant technological organizations give preferences to the candidates who have an interest in advanced machinery and automation this leads to a biased selection process in which worthy candidates do not get the opportunities. To conclude, I vehemently agree that sharing confidential information asked by an employer during the interview process is crucial as it helps to indicate a person’s personality and comfort level with a job which results in the overall development of an organization and improves professional life of of the new worker at the same time.
Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
demand confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
applying for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as their hobbies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
interests, and marital status. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Denizens believe that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is relevant and beneficial for an employer,
however
, others dissent. In my opinion, I do believe that having access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for both sides; the employees and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

A certain set of citizens believe that the sensitive data asked by the interviewers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to give more insight into the life of an interviewee. To be more precise, by having knowledge about the preferences of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
who are more intrigued in working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
,
moreover
, it aids in providing them with the work environment in which one can work with full potential. To exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
requiring extensive travelling selects employees who are travel enthusiasts as this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in improving the performance and lowering the attrition rate of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
supports in building a successful career of the employee.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have this notion that disclosing delicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the employer is unsafe as this detail might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by someone in the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
benefits.
Simply
stating, sharing sensitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
results in biased
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. The
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
may give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
based on their self-interest,
however
, not on their knowledge and experience. To elucidate, giant technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
give preferences to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
who have an interest in advanced machinery and automation this leads to a biased selection process in which worthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunities.

To conclude
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that sharing confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
asked by an employer during the interview process is crucial as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to indicate a person’s personality and comfort level with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which results in the
overall
development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
professional life
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
the new worker at the same time.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as hobbies and interest and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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