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Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. Discuss both views an v.1

Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. 1
It is often said that happiness cannot be achieved with money. In my essay, I will try to explain why is it tough to characterize prosperity and in which way it can be reached. The issue of contentment is subjective and complex to determine, because everybody has his / her own insight and image of it and it varies depending on their thoughts and world view. For example, for some people the main source of contentment is money, because it allows them to cover their needs such as purchasing expensive clothes, apartments and cars. For other people delight can be brought by having family, friends and relatives. While discussing the euphoria, it is worth mentioning that as the needs of people change over the years, the factors influencing their glee also change. For instance, a toy can make a child happy; however, it does not mean much for an adult. Money might be a source of contentment for an adult, but it is not of much importance to a child. There are many factors that can help humans attain exhilaration. One of them is doing activities that can make us feel satisfied and happy. For example, there are a lot of artists who acquire a small amount of money for their paintings, but despite of this they genuinely enjoy it, because they like to express their ideas and imagination through the art. In contrast to the previous type of human beings there are people for whom the salary is a crucial satisfactory aspect. Accordingly, if their income is sufficient, they tend to be pleased. Finally, some people can accomplish the bliss by finding a soul mate or new friends, with whom they could spend their leisure time doing diverse activities. To conclude, there might be more factors that can contribute towards happiness of different individuals. In my opinion, it can be achieved depending on human perception and actions towards it.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that happiness cannot
be achieved
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my essay, I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why is it tough to characterize prosperity and in which way it can
be reached
.

The issue of contentment is subjective and complex to determine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody has his / her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
insight and image of it and it varies depending on their thoughts and world view.
For example
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the main source of contentment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cover their needs such as purchasing expensive clothes, apartments and cars. For other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
delight can
be brought
by having family, friends and relatives. While discussing the euphoria, it is worth mentioning that as the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over the years, the factors influencing their glee
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For instance
, a toy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child happy;
however
, it does not mean much for an adult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
might be a source of contentment for an adult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not of much importance to a child.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humans attain exhilaration. One of them is doing activities that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel satisfied and happy.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
artists who acquire a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their paintings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
this they
genuinely
enjoy it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they like to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and imagination through the art.
In contrast
to the previous type of human beings there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for whom the salary is a crucial satisfactory aspect.
Accordingly
, if their income is sufficient, they tend to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can accomplish the bliss by finding a soul mate or new friends, with whom they could spend their leisure time doing diverse activities.

To conclude
, there might be more factors that can contribute towards happiness of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals. In my opinion, it can
be achieved
depending on human perception and actions towards it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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