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Everybody should be allowed admission to university study programs regardless of their level of academic ability. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Everybody should be allowed admission to university study programs regardless of their level of academic ability. with this statement? v. 1
In the modern world, education plays a vital role in the development of a country. Therefore, everyone should be allowed to attend University study programs despite of their academic result. I agree with the statement. From analysing the statement, Each one of us has their own hidden talent which can't be found just based on your marks. To begin with, there are several reasons which point out that the statement is correct. Firstly, In some countries, a student's higher studies depends upon the marks he got during his School days. For instance, Steve jobs 'The apple CEO' was a high school drop out. Thus, based on mark he isn't Fit To find a company. However, this theory was disapproved by many people who are living a luxurious life. In addition to this people like Elon musk believes that academic score doesn't reflect a person's talent. Hence, the score earned by a student during his childhood doesn't decide his talent. Therefore, government should give more importance in identifying people's individual's talents instead of academic based education. On the other hand, The role of a government doesn't End just by identifying an individual's skill. Most importantly, it is the responsibility of the government to nurture their people by providing the training required for the individual's. Which in turn plays a major role in the forthcoming development of a country. In conclusion, a country's future depends on their people similarly, a person's prospective depends upon his skills Therefore, to improve his skills education is important. In the end, everyone should allowed to attend despite his academic level.
In the modern world, education plays a vital role in the development of a country.
Therefore
, everyone should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to attend University study programs
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
result. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. From
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the statement,

Each one of us has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
which can't
be found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
based on your marks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons which point out that the statement is correct.
Firstly
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, a student's higher studies depends upon the marks he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
during his School days.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Steve jobs
'The apple CEO' was a high school drop out.
Thus
, based on mark he isn't Fit

To find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
, this theory
was disapproved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living a luxurious life.
In addition
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Elon musk
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
score doesn't reflect a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
Hence
, the score earned by a student during his childhood doesn't decide his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give more importance in identifying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
based education.

On the other hand
, The role of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doesn't

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
End
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by identifying an individual's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Most
importantly
, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing the training required for the individual's.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
in turn plays a major role in the forthcoming development of a country.
In conclusion
, a country's future depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
similarly
, a person's prospective depends upon his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, everyone should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowed
to attend despite his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
level.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Everybody should be allowed admission to university study programs regardless of their level of academic ability. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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