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Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. v. 4
In recent years, the fact that crime rate in metropolitan areas is higher than that of the rural ones has been receiving a lot of public attention. Although this issue can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solutions can be utilized to tackle this problem. There are a variety of factors contributing to increased crime rate in cities. First, since these areas are always more ethnic diversity compared to the countryside, the likelihood of conflicts leading to crimes is significantly higher. For example, racism against people of colour still exists, which leads to crimes, from small fights to bloody conflicts. Second, since urban areas are densely populated, citizens have to compete for limited opportunities and scarce resources. This means that people in disadvantageous positions in society have a higher tendency to commit even the pettiest of crimes, just to make a living. Nevertheless, there are still workable solutions to address this conundrum. First, by extinguishing racism with heavy fines and stricter punishments, the government can keep interracial conflicts in check. In fact, many countries around the globe have already treated racism with an iron grip, imposing laws against racial discrimination which positively affect public order as a whole. Second, the government should enact policies which divert the population flow away from the cities. This means that if the authority invests more in the suburb or the countryside, more people to flock in these areas to make a living in lieu of the urban ones, which relieve the population burden upon the metropolises. In conclusion, notwithstanding the ever-increasing crime rate in urban areas due to their overpopulation, feasible solutions are in order. The government holds the key to alleviate the population burdens, which in turn will lower crime rate to a manageable level.
In recent years, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is higher than that of the rural ones has been receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
public attention. Although this issue can
be attributed
to a whole host of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions can
be utilized
to tackle this problem.

There are a variety of factors contributing to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in cities.
First
, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are always more ethnic diversity compared to the countryside, the likelihood of conflicts leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is
significantly
higher.
For example
, racism against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
still
exists, which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fights to bloody conflicts. Second, since urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
densely
populated, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete for limited opportunities and scarce resources. This means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in disadvantageous positions in society have a higher tendency to commit even the pettiest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living.

Nevertheless
, there are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions to address this conundrum.
First
, by extinguishing racism with heavy fines and stricter punishments, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
interracial conflicts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the globe have already treated racism with an iron grip, imposing laws against racial discrimination which
positively
affect public order as a whole. Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enact policies which divert the population flow away from the cities. This means that if the authority invests more in the suburb or the countryside, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to flock in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living in lieu of the urban ones, which relieve the population burden upon the metropolises.

In conclusion
, notwithstanding the ever-increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
due to their overpopulation, feasible solutions are in order. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
holds the key to alleviate the population burdens, which in turn will lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
to a manageable level.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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