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Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. v. 2
We see an increasing number of people who prefer the vegetables over the meat. Almost everyone is proud to share this information through the social services nowadays, but as we may know from our ancestors diversity in the ration is crucial for surviving. So, let's discuss in detail whether is good or not to be a vegetarian. Consuming a lot of red meat can cause a various kind of diseases. It supports by few modern researches showing us a positive correlation between the consuming rate of the red meat and the rate of the cancer diseases. Through these works researchers are trying to tell us that we should decrease the amount of red meat in our daily diet and include more plant-based meals. So, if we believe in this, it looks like if we decrease the amount of meat we would stay healthy for a longer period of our life. Despite of the results of the previous experiments we don't have any researches that support plant-based only diet. It doesn't look like having only the plants on our kitchen table is good either. And it is likely true. We shouldn't exclude all animal-based products from our ration. We can easily get problems with our health because of it. Also, if you are doing a lot of exercises it is really hard to grow a muscle mass without protein based nutrition. I think that full denial from meat can't be a good thing for us. Balance between plant-based and animal-based nutrition is important.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer the vegetables over the meat.

Almost everyone is proud to share this information through the social services nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as we may know from our ancestors diversity in the ration is crucial for surviving.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's discuss in detail whether is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not to be a vegetarian.

Consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
can cause a various kind of diseases.

It supports by few modern researches showing us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
correlation between the consuming rate of the red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
and the rate of the cancer diseases.

Through these works researchers are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us that we should decrease the amount of red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
in our daily diet and include more plant-based meals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if we believe in this, it looks like if we decrease the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
we would stay healthy for a longer period of our life.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the results of the previous experiments we don't have any researches that support plant-based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
diet.

It doesn't look like having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the plants on our kitchen table is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
either. And it is likely true.

We shouldn't exclude all animal-based products from our ration.

We can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
problems with our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it.

Also
, if you are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
exercises it is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to grow a muscle mass without protein based nutrition.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that full denial from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
can't be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing for us.

Balance between plant-based and animal-based nutrition is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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