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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.13

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 13
Many people believe that it is the responsibility of the parents to educate kids on how to become a better person in the community. Others feel good conduct should be learnt in school. Children trust their parents and emulate their behaviour. Kids however, spend more time in school and pay attention to the instructions of the teacher. One one hand, it is the parent's responsibility to train their children. To begin, kids trust what they learn from their parents. For instance, children usually refuse gifts from strangers because their parents told them that it is wrong to accept items from unfamiliar people. As a result, kids, mind who they collect gifts from whether their parents are present or not. Another reason for home training is that children emulate behaviour or spoken words from their parents. A good example is that most abusive words children say is always a reference to words their parents spoke. As a consequence, parents inculcate bad behaviour in their children. On the other hand, teachers also contribute to training a child. First of all, students spend 70% of their time in school, thus, moral conduct should be included within the school curriculum in order to produce better people in society. Second of all, students pay a lot of attention to their children’s instructions. For example, students tend to adhere to instructions from teachers more than their parents because they might be punished for not complying. Consequently, good manners taught in school cannot be easily erased. In conclusion, I believe it is the sole responsibility of teachers and parents to raise a child because children trust and emulate the character of their parents, they also also spend the majority of their time in schools and pay great attention to what teachers instruct them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
on how to become a better person in the community. Others feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conduct should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
trust their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and emulate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
however
, spend more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and pay attention to the instructions of the teacher.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
One one
hand, it is the parent's responsibility to train their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
trust what they learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
refuse gifts from strangers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to accept items from unfamiliar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, mind who they collect gifts from whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are present or not. Another reason for home training is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
emulate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or spoken words from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is that most abusive words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
say is always a reference to words their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spoke. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in their children.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
also
contribute to training a child.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, students spend 70% of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
thus
, moral conduct should
be included
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum in order to produce better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in society. Second of all, students pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
instructions.
For example
, students tend to adhere to instructions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
be punished
for not complying.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners taught in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot be
easily
erased.

In conclusion
, I believe it is the sole responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to raise a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
trust and emulate the character of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
also
also
spend the majority of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and pay great attention to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
instruct them.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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