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Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 9
It is not doubt that wealth is health, as people consider that it is not possible to live in the materialistic era. Even though all nations have free medical centres for the treatment of clients, yet these are very costly. Because of this, some people are not obtained as well as current machinery is not located in the hospitals. I strongly agree with the statement. There are many reasons for this phenomenon. I will examine the both causes and add my opinion before any specific conclusion in the upcoming paragraphs. The presented map gives the information about Bell hill farms and changes that took place in the years between 1976 and 2006. It is clear that in 1976 there was a Bell hill farm available in the North side, which was converted into an environment centre in 2006. Moreover, the farmyard located in the middle of the path. It demolished and built the recreational area in 2006. similarly, storage for the machinery and barn had existed in the North sector was developed into with parking and a multimedia room at the end of the period. Moving ahead, in the southeast sections, cow sheds and poultry farm were there in 1976. After the three decades, it transformed into student housing in the east part. What's more, roads presented in the east part had remained stable over the period. Similarly, farmhouse remained same throughout the both years. In overview, it can be seen that there were many changes during the period in bill hill farm, which became an environment centre at the end of term.
It is not doubt that wealth is health, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the materialistic era.
Even though
all nations have free medical
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for the treatment of clients,
yet
these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not obtained
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
machinery is not located in the hospitals. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this phenomenon. I will examine the both causes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any specific conclusion in the upcoming paragraphs. The presented map gives the information about Bell hill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farms
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that took place in the years between 1976 and 2006.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1976 there was a Bell hill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
available in the North side, which
was converted
into an environment
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in 2006.
Moreover
, the farmyard located in the middle of the path. It demolished and built the recreational area in 2006.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, storage for the machinery and barn had existed in the North sector
was developed
into with parking and a multimedia room at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Moving ahead, in the southeast sections, cow sheds and poultry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
were there in 1976. After the three decades, it transformed into student housing in the east part. What's more, roads presented in the east part had remained stable over the period.
Similarly
, farmhouse remained same throughout the both years.

In overview, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
during the period in bill hill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
, which became an environment
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of term.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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