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It is important to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extend do you agree and disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children? v.1

It is important to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children? v. 1
It could be agreed upon that, morality is becoming a chief concern in societies. Some believe that punishment is mandatory to force children draw distinction between right and wrong. In the following, I would like to indicate one disadvantage, and one advantage of punishment, mental complexity, and responsibility, respectively; and clarify as to why I partially concur with this viewpoint/perspective. On the one hand, regarding disadvantages, given there seems to be a thin line between penalty and children abuse, it should be pointed out that mental complexity as a knock-on effect of punishment could have dire consequence on children’s personality. Although, physical and verbal punishment could instantly stop undesired actions, it could not work over time; thus children would fit to aggressive behaviour or violence to cover the subjected humiliation. Furthermore, children corporal at their formative years, lies at the root of many psychological disorders in their future. For instance, punished pupil are more likely to disobeying rules, committing offenses and having depression. On the other hand, In terms of advantages, against harsh cognitive, discipline strategy could help children to take responsibility of their behaviour. In other words, parental invention to teach children laws, expectations and acceptance of ramification, will help children to mould their moral character. In addition, it seems there are eligible and effective discipline methods, which help upbringing children without any physical or mental harm. Firstly, to provide a chance for children to sit and contemplate to their actions, methods such as time over could be used. Secondly, children could understand the suffer they subjected to someone, by compensatory action, drawing an apologies to someone they heart, or by depriving children from a certain privilege. In conclusion, I reckon that, there are fair upbringing techniques to deter children from doing wrong behaviour and teaching them social skills for their future life.
It could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon that, morality is becoming a chief concern in societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is mandatory to force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
draw distinction between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. In the following, I would like to indicate one disadvantage, and one advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, mental complexity, and responsibility,
respectively
; and clarify as to why I
partially
concur with this viewpoint/perspective.

On the one hand, regarding disadvantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
there seems to be a thin line between penalty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
abuse, it should
be pointed
out that mental complexity as a knock-on effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
could have dire consequence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality. Although, physical and verbal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
could
instantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
undesired actions, it could not work over time;
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would fit to aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or violence to cover the subjected humiliation.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
corporal at their formative years, lies at the root of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychological disorders in their future.
For instance
, punished pupil are more likely to disobeying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, committing offenses and having depression.

On the other hand
, In terms of advantages, against harsh cognitive, discipline strategy could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take responsibility of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
In other words
, parental invention to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
laws, expectations and acceptance of ramification, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their moral character.
In addition
, it seems there are eligible and effective discipline methods, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
upbringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without any physical or mental harm.
Firstly
, to provide a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to sit and contemplate to their actions, methods such as time over could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could understand
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'suffer' is correct. If 'suffer' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the suffer
they subjected to someone, by compensatory action, drawing
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an apology" or simply "apologies"?
an apologies
to someone
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they heart
, or by depriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from a certain privilege.

In conclusion
, I reckon that, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
upbringing techniques to deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and teaching them social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay It is important to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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