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Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with agroup of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons andexamples to support your answer. v.2

Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with agroup of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons andexamples to support your answer. v. 2
In modern society childbirth is often delayed by parents. Some may argue that it is harmful, but in my opinion by doing this, father and mother can focus on their career more. By delaying the birth of a child, there are lots of advantages which parents can get. Firstly, when respective parents delay birth of their child, they get more time to do their job properly. When they have the responsibility of a child, they can not properly focus on their jobs. As a result, they perform poorly in their jobs. Another reason benefit of this is by delaying childbirth, they can reduce their cost because a child brings a lot of expense. So by delaying childbirth spouses can save more money. For example, when parents have less child, they have less amount of money to spend. According to the world bank, 70% parents said by delaying the birth of the child they get extra time to work and they have less expense compared to other parents who are having early childbirth. However, some people may believe that delaying childbirth is harmful for the mother. By doing this a mother in the future may not able to give birth, as it can bring more complexity. For instance, In a research by the World Health organization 50% mother faced problem when they lately take children by delaying their childbirth. Moreover, some people argue that when parents take child early soon after their marriage, it can make father and mother more responsive. When they have a child they act more maturely and the relation between father and mother also improves. In conclusion, though delaying childbirth can bring some problem, I think that it has more advantages than its disadvantages.
In modern society childbirth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
delayed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that it is harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion by doing this, father and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can focus on their career more.

By delaying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, there are lots of advantages which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Firstly
, when respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
delay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time to do their job
properly
. When they have the responsibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they can not
properly
focus on their jobs.
As a result
, they perform
poorly
in their jobs. Another reason benefit of this is by delaying childbirth, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expense.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
by delaying childbirth spouses can save more money.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they have less amount of money to spend. According to the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
, 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
said by delaying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra time to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they have less expense compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are having early childbirth.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may believe that delaying childbirth is harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
. By doing this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
in the future may not able to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
, as it can bring more complexity.
For instance
, In
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
World Health organization
50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
faced problem when they lately take children by delaying their childbirth.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after their marriage, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
father and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
more responsive. When they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
they act more
maturely
and the relation between father and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
.

In conclusion
, though delaying childbirth can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has more advantages than its disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with agroup of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons andexamples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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