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Even though doctors all over the world agree that the fast food is bad for people’s health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Even though doctors all over the world agree that the fast food is bad for people’s health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
Nowadays, many medical researches show that the fast food will impose the significant health risks such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. In spite of this medical warning, the number of the people who eat fast food is in increase. This essay will illustrate the causes and discuss about the possible solutions. To begin with, people are often exposed to many appealing advertisements for the fast food. The food on the publicities are appetizing and hard to resist the attraction. Besides, the fast food companies do not show any negative impacts of the health risks which are caused by eating fast food. Lastly, People are not educated enough to know about the link between unhealthy food and health risks. As the consequence, more people choose to eat fast food than before. In order to solve this problem, people should be more educated about nutrition, and healthy diet. For example, children should be given the opportunities to take a class as one of optional subjects so that they can develop knowledge about health and diet. In addition to this, fast food companies should advise consumers about the possible health risks if they eat excessive amount of fast food in the advertisements. In conclusion, although more people eat fast food than in the past, many people do not seem to notice the negative impacts on their health. Therefore, we are encouraged to have sufficient knowledge about health and diet, and the fast food companies are advised to revise the advertisements with regard to the health risks.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medical researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will impose the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
such as obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this medical warning, the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is in increase. This essay will illustrate the causes and
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
possible solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
appealing advertisements for the
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
publicities
are appetizing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to resist the attraction.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any
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negative
impacts of the
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health
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risks
which
are caused
by eating
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Lastly
,
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People
are not educated
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enough
to know about the link between unhealthy
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food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. As the consequence, more
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people
choose to
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eat
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fast
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food
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In order to solve this problem,
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people
should be more educated about nutrition, and healthy diet.
For example
, children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunities to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as one of optional subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can develop knowledge about
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health
and diet.
In addition
to this,
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should advise consumers about the possible
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health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the advertisements.

In conclusion
, although more
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not seem to notice the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, we
are encouraged
to have sufficient knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and diet, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are advised
to revise the advertisements with regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Even though doctors all over the world agree that the fast food is bad for people’s health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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