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Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. why are more people eating fast food? what can be done about this problem? v.2

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. why are more people eating fast food? what can be done about this problem? v. 2
In today’s material world, although there are many recommendations for stopping unhealthy nutrition, this trend has been growing more in the last century. Life has been characterized by its fast pace, and this is one of the main reasons for more people eating fast food. The two pivotal causes for this habit will be further explained in the following lines, and then I will give a suggestion that may help in solving this problem. To begin with, more financial needs are required from fathers nowadays due to the inflation of prices. As a result, many people are working for extra hours in their companies or even having another part-time job. Snacks are the main type of eating for these working professionals who do not know how these meals can negatively impact their lives. This can be exemplified by Egypt where many young people eat fast meals because they work for more than 14 hours per day. Moreover, if the young workers found a healthy type of nutrition, they would consume it. The latter cause of this habit is the technology that has led to the indolence of many housewives. They started to order delivered meals at home rather than cooking. Nevertheless, there are solutions to this problem which ought to be curbed with the help of the government. Firstly, an effective launched campaign may be affecting people’s choices in their eating habits. This can be done by a public figure who can be a role model for many persons in society. For instance, Canada has launched a similar campaign that encourages Canadian families to eat well and live long. Therefore, families can consume a healthy way of nutrition if they are given a role model to imitate. Another solution is that stakeholders of the government have to instill laws that prohibit the opening of new restaurants that are serving unhealthy meals. In conclusion, snacks have become a common way of eating in many countries due to the fast pace of life. If there is a media campaign that encourages eating healthy food, this trend may be limited.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s material world, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recommendations for stopping unhealthy nutrition, this trend has been growing more in the last century. Life has
been characterized
by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
pace, and this is one of the main reasons for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food. The two pivotal causes for this habit will be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following lines, and then I will give a suggestion that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in solving this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more financial needs
are required
from fathers nowadays due to the inflation of prices.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working for extra hours in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or even having another part-time job. Snacks are the main type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
for these working professionals who do not know how these meals can
negatively
impact their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This can
be exemplified
by Egypt where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
meals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work for more than 14 hours per day.
Moreover
, if the young workers found a healthy type of nutrition, they would consume it. The latter cause of this habit is the technology that has led to the indolence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
housewives. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to order delivered meals at home
rather
than cooking.

Nevertheless
, there are solutions to this problem which ought to
be curbed
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Firstly
, an effective launched campaign may be affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choices in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits. This can
be done
by a public figure who can be a role model for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons in society.
For instance
, Canada has launched a similar campaign that encourages Canadian families to eat well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long.
Therefore
, families can consume a healthy way of nutrition if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a role model to imitate. Another solution is that stakeholders of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
instill laws that prohibit the opening of new restaurants that are serving unhealthy meals.

In conclusion
, snacks have become a common way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
pace of life. If there is a media campaign that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy food, this trend may
be limited
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. why are more people eating fast food? what can be done about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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