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Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v.4

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v. 4
Entertainment has become an important part of our daily life. However, many thinkers believe that people in the entertainment industry are given a hefty sum of money, to which I have dissenting views. On one hand, it is quite justified to pay a reasonable amount of money for the sports personals or to film stars for their showcase of talent to entertain the common people. Albeit, they do not posses any mental ability, but they practice day and night to polish these skills in order to amuse people or even to represent the nation at world level, thus, making an immense contribution to the society. To illustrate, the cricket team of a country, practice for an extended time, so as to make one’s country proud by winning a world cup. Therefore, it is important to pay a quality amount of money to these celebrities. On the other hand, some other professionals such as biologists must me highly paid as due to their hard work, the cure to various deadly diseases can be found. Moreover, it is common that some life risking jobs such as job of firefighters are still underrated and in my opinion need to be sufficiently paid as they save lives of the people. In addition to this, others related to the noble line of work like teachers and doctors should be paid in abundance as they contribute crucially to the development and well being of the nation. To conclude, there must be a dignity of labor and the occupations must not be ranked as high or low as every professional impart their skill and knowledge for the holistic development of a realm.
Entertainment has become an
important
part of our daily life.
However
,
many
thinkers believe that
people
in the entertainment industry are
given
a hefty sum of money, to which I have dissenting views.

On one hand, it is quite justified to pay a reasonable amount of money for the sports personals or to film stars for their showcase of talent to entertain the common
people
. Albeit, they do not posses any mental ability,
but
they practice day and night to polish these
skills
in order to amuse
people
or even to represent the nation at world level,
thus
, making an immense contribution to the society. To illustrate, the cricket team of a country, practice for an extended time,
so as to
make
one’s country proud by winning a world cup.
Therefore
, it is
important
to pay a quality amount of money to these celebrities.

On the other hand
,
some
other professionals such as biologists
must
me
highly
paid as due to their
hard
work, the cure to various deadly diseases can
be found
.
Moreover
, it is common that
some
life risking jobs such as job of firefighters are
still
underrated and in my opinion need to be
sufficiently
paid as they save
lives
of the
people
.
In addition
to this, others related to the noble line of work like teachers and doctors should
be paid
in abundance as they contribute
crucially
to the development and
well being
of the nation.

To conclude
, there
must
be a dignity of labor and the occupations
must
not
be ranked
as high or low as every professional impart their
skill
and knowledge for the holistic development of a realm.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? (Rewrite) v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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