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Essay #3: Young people committing crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extend do you disagree or agree? v.1

Essay #3: Young people committing crimes should be treated the same way as adults. v. 1
In the recent years, the alarming increase in juvenile delinquency has been a hard riddle for each individual as well as our society. It is recommended that adults’ sentences should be imposed on teenage criminals to combat young crimes. Although I agree that serious crimes should be inflicted heavy, I believe that this move reflects mishandle of justice due to the following reasons. On the one hand, there are some reasons why offenders of all ages should be treated equally. Harsh punishment can serve as a deterrent to those who intend to break the law; therefore, the crime rates are decreased considerably. Furthermore, young violators receiving lenient penalties compared to grown-up offenders may not fully fathom the disastrous consequence of their actions, hence they are likely to reoffend after being released. Consequently, the safety of innocent people is put in jeopardy. On the other hand, I am much more convinced that youth crimes should be tackled in a different way in contrast with the meter. The offence of youngster stems from their lack of intellectual capacity and proper education from the elders. For instance, a young student massacred the whole school because he tried to imitate a popular shooting game he was playing. Moreover, many young people become a culprit because of being threatened or manipulated by criminal gangs; for example, they can be forced to be a drug trafficker or a theft. Besides, there are a lot of useful alternative forms of penalty such as sending immature wrongdoers to rehabilitation centers or making them to serve at unpaid community service organizations. Thanks to these methods, young lawbreakers can obtain not only better respect for laws, but also specific skills to reintegrate back to community and contribute to their nations. In conclusion, I suggest that rather than penalizes young convicts the same as adults, the legal bodies should take more appropriate measures to rehabilitate young trouble makers.
In the recent years, the alarming increase in juvenile delinquency has been a
hard
riddle for each individual
as well
as our society. It
is recommended
that adults’ sentences should
be imposed
on teenage criminals to combat
young
crimes
. Although I
agree
that serious
crimes
should
be inflicted
heavy, I believe that this
move
reflects mishandle of justice due to the following reasons.

On the one hand, there are
some
reasons why offenders of all ages should
be treated
equally
. Harsh punishment can serve as a deterrent to those who intend to break the law;
therefore
, the
crime
rates
are decreased
considerably
.
Furthermore
,
young
violators receiving lenient penalties compared to grown-up offenders may not
fully
fathom the disastrous consequence of their actions,
hence
they are likely to
reoffend
after
being released
.
Consequently
, the safety of innocent
people
is put
in jeopardy.

On the other hand
, I am much more convinced that youth
crimes
should
be tackled
in a
different
way
in contrast
with the meter. The
offence
of youngster stems from their lack of intellectual capacity and proper education from the elders.
For instance
, a
young
student massacred the whole school
because
he tried to imitate a popular shooting game he was playing.
Moreover
,
many
young
people
become a culprit
because
of
being threatened
or manipulated by criminal gangs;
for example
, they can
be forced
to be a drug trafficker or a theft.
Besides
, there are
a lot of
useful alternative forms of penalty such as sending immature wrongdoers to rehabilitation centers or making them to serve at unpaid community service organizations. Thanks to these methods,
young
lawbreakers can obtain not
only
better respect for laws,
but
also
specific
skills
to reintegrate back to community and contribute to their nations.

In conclusion
, I suggest that
rather
than penalizes
young
convicts the same as adults, the legal bodies should take more appropriate measures to rehabilitate
young
trouble makers.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay #3: Young people committing crimes should be treated the same way as adults. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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