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Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level v. 1
Smoking, which is an act of inhaling and exhaling the smoke of tobacco or a drug, should be placed an embargo on because it not only endangers the life of the participant, but as well as that of the passerbys. Thus, I am of the strong opinion that it should be prohibited in the public. To begin, one of the numerous reasons why smoking in general environments must be stopped is that it creates a negative awareness to the young ones that it is alright to smoke. The youngsters seeing this act carried out by older people, (a* comma after people*) I whom they expect to know better, will believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with indulging in the act and therefore, will sooner than later start smoking. For example, it was proven by the 2001 survey carried out on young smokers that 91% of them grew up having smokers around them. Consequently, the act should be forbidden in the public in order not to corrupt the minds of youngsters. Furthermore, smoking in public areas should be made illegal since it inconveniences others who are in the same space as the smoker. This is due to the fact that the smoker might not be aware of the health conditions of others around, as people with illnesses such as asthma and nasal irritation, that needs to stay away from smoke of any kind will gravely be affected. This exposure aggravates the patient's condition and most times, lead to death. For instance, it was recorded in 2012 that the rise in the death of asthmatic individuals was caused by sudden inhalation of second-hand fume from tobacco products. Hence, smoking in general places can cause the death of passive smokers. In conclusion, smoking in public areas should not only be banished owing to the fact that it harms the smoker and those close-by, but also because it makes growing children believe it is good to smoke, as well as worsens health issues of others. Therefore, I very strongly opine its banishment in public environments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
, which is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
of inhaling and exhaling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
of tobacco or a drug, should
be placed
an embargo on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
endangers the life of the participant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as that of the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "passersby", the plural form of the noun 'passerby'?
passerbys
.
Thus
, I am of the strong opinion that it should
be prohibited
in the public.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, one of the numerous reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in general
environments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
is that it creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
awareness to the young ones that it is alright to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
. The youngsters seeing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
carried out by older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, (a* comma after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
*) I whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to know better, will believe there is
absolutely
nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with indulging in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
and
therefore
, will sooner than later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
For example
, it
was proven
by the 2001 survey carried out on young smokers that 91% of them grew up having smokers around them.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
should
be forbidden
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in order not to corrupt the minds of youngsters.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas should
be made
illegal since it inconveniences others who are in the same space as the smoker.
This is due to the fact that
the smoker might not be aware of the health conditions of others around, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with illnesses such as asthma and nasal irritation, that needs to stay away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
of any kind will
gravely
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. This exposure aggravates the patient's condition and most times, lead to death.
For instance
, it
was recorded
in 2012 that the rise in the death of asthmatic individuals
was caused
by sudden inhalation of second-hand fume from tobacco products.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in general
places can cause the death of passive smokers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be banished
owing to the fact that it harms the smoker and those close-by,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
growing children believe it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
,
as well
as worsens health issues of others.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strongly
opine its banishment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
environments.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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