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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree? v.6

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. v. 6
Presently, upbringing of the pupils is a major concern for their parents and educational institutes, which was never reported before. Some people opine that to supervise the routine physical exercise of the adolescents is the duty of their guardians only, while the schools should only focus on academics. I totally disagree with the above notion and my supporting argument are discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the physical exercise and sports plays vital role in the holy development of the young generation. Hence, the teaching organizations must have to include it in their curriculum for the better developments of their students. Moreover, the working parents cannot precisely focus on the study and sports activity of their children. Consequently, the responsibility to teach and supervise the physical activity, relay on the schools, where professional sports teachers are available to guide the pupils. The addition of sports in academic activities brings fruitful results to the performance of the students. For instance, sports and games act as a stress buster to the undergraduates and keep them fit to attend maximum lectures. Furthermore, the sports and games can cultivate many important interpersonal skills in the adolescents, such as team spirit, time management, sportsmanship and many more. Therefore, parents and tutors should encourage their youngsters for the physical exercise and sports along with their studies. In school premises, the students can play games effectively and efficiently with their peers, which is not possible at home. For example, to play football match many players are required along with ample space on the ground which is possible at the school premises. Thus, the tertiary institutes must have to add these practise in the curriculum. In conclusion, the all-round development of a child is the prime priority of a parent and a school. Thus, they have to work interestingly for the building up the future of the society called youth. Also, the local regime should start an awareness program so that maximum citizens can encourage their pupils for the physical exercise and sports.
Presently
, upbringing of the pupils is a major concern for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and educational institutes, which was never reported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that to supervise the routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
of the adolescents is the duty of their guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on academics. I
totally
disagree with the above notion and my supporting argument
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
plays vital role in the holy development of the young generation.
Hence
, the teaching organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
include it in their curriculum for the better developments of their students.
Moreover
, the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot
precisely
focus on the study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity of their children.
Consequently
, the responsibility to teach and supervise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity, relay on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, where professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teachers are available to guide the pupils. The addition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in academic activities brings fruitful results to the performance of the students.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and games act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster to the undergraduates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit to attend maximum lectures.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and games can cultivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the adolescents, such as team spirit, time management, sportsmanship and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and tutors should encourage their youngsters for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
along with their studies. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises, the students can play games
effectively
and
efficiently
with their peers, which is not possible at home.
For example
, to play football match
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
players
are required
along with ample space on the ground which is possible at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises.
Thus
, the tertiary institutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
in the curriculum.

In conclusion
, the all-round development of a child is the prime priority of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
interestingly
for the building up the future of the society called youth.
Also
, the local regime should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
an awareness program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that maximum citizens can encourage their pupils for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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