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in some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

in some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. v. 4
It is true that many individuals possess guns at home due to which crime rate has increased across the globe. I strongly agree with this notion that people are at a far greater risk being shot if there is a gun in a house. This essay will discuss the main points that why crime increases because of personal guns. To embark with, it is intuitively obvious that having a gun in a house is dangerous for children and teenagers. They do not have prerequisite knowledge of handling guns; teenagers have the habit of clicking pictures with these things, which leads to serious incidents. For example, a study by Harvard University has revealed that fifty percent of students died in America because of mishappening related to guns. As a result, possession of guns would not be beneficial for communities. Moreover, household guns are more vulnerable while couple have arguments on issues. Men are found to be more aggressive than women. Therefore, they easily indulge in heinous crime of firing on their wives. For instance, The International Crime Bureau produced evidence that husbands have sent to jail by killing their partners with guns over an argument. Consequently, crime rate is growing at an alarming rate. In conclusion, it is clear that having a gun in a house is a reason of further shootings. There should be some rules for private guns ownership. Usage of guns should be banned for children. By providing proper practice of handling of guns at home, could save many lives.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has increased across the globe. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are at a far greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
being shot
if there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This essay will discuss the main points that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of personal guns.

To embark with, it is
intuitively
obvious that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They do not have prerequisite knowledge of handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have the habit of clicking pictures with these things, which leads to serious incidents.
For example
, a study by Harvard University has revealed that fifty percent of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in America
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mishappening
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
.
As a result
, possession of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
would not be beneficial for communities.

Moreover
, household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
are more vulnerable while couple have arguments on issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
are found
to be more aggressive than women.
Therefore
, they
easily
indulge in heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of firing on their wives.
For instance
, The International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
Bureau produced evidence that husbands have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail by killing their partners with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
over an argument.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is growing at an alarming rate.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is a reason of
further
shootings. There should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
ownership. Usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
should
be banned
for children. By providing proper practice of handling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
at home, could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay in some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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