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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 5
Employee’s selection is a difficult process these days. Although some people believe that recruiters asking from employers about their hobbies, interests and whether they are married or single is a relevant to a job, others are against of this view. In my view, I agree with the former view and this essay will discuss both of the sides. On the one hand, personal information affects an employee performance in the work and I agree. If workers possess diverse range of hobbies such as playing games and reading, they would be productive in achieving tasks at hand. Similarly, the martial status affects the performance of a person. Married people have more responsibilities as compared to unmarried people, which could hinder or slow down their performance in the workplace. A recent study from Oxford University, for instance, showed that people who have extracurricular activities, reading and writing interests, and are single, perform 50% more better in the workforce environment as compared to those who do not possess these features. Thus, employers should consider these information while hiring a person. On the other hand, opponents of the former view say that these attributes are not critical and academic and experience in a particular field is of paramount importance. This is because these information do not have effect on the working of a person as tasks in offices are related to academic knowledge and experience. This, in turn, means other things such as personal interests, hobbies and marital status have no effect on their performance at work. Research by the World Business Authority, for example, revealed that efficiency of employees in business depend 40% on their academic and practical experience in the specific working domain and not on personal interests. Hence, individual interests and status are not correlating with employee’s performance and companies should hire individuals on the basis of academic achievements and experience. In conclusion, while some people opine that personal interests and marital status are irrelevant in employees hiring process, in my opinion, they are crucial as they increases performance-level at work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employee’s
selection is a difficult process these days. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that recruiters asking from employers about their hobbies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and whether they
are married
or single is a relevant to a job, others are against of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
and this essay will discuss both of the sides.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information affects an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in the work and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. If workers possess diverse range of hobbies such as playing games and reading, they would be productive in achieving tasks at hand.
Similarly
, the martial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
of a person. Married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more responsibilities as compared to unmarried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which could hinder or slow down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in the workplace. A recent study from Oxford University,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have extracurricular activities, reading and writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
, and are single, perform 50%
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
in the workforce environment as compared to those who do not possess these features.
Thus
, employers should consider
Did you mean "this information" or "these informations"?
these information
while hiring a person.

On the other hand
, opponents of the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
say that these attributes are not critical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and experience in a particular field is of paramount importance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "this information" or "these informations"?
these information
do not have effect on the working of a person as tasks in offices
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge and experience. This, in turn, means other things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
, hobbies and marital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
have no effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
at work. Research by the World Business Authority,
for example
, revealed that efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in business depend 40% on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and practical experience in the specific working domain and not on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
.
Hence
, individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
are not correlating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should hire individuals on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements and experience.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and marital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
are irrelevant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
hiring process, in my opinion, they are crucial as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "increase"
increases
performance-level at work.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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