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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Other disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.8

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Other disagree. v. 8
It is evident that while applying for a job recruiters always seek for personal information. Few people consider that the data they ask for is quite instrumental. In my opinion, the information they collect is crucial and helps them while choosing an applicant. However, there is a risk that the employer might become prejudiced on some special features. To begin with, the information shared by the candidates helps hiring manager to deploy the right applicant on right position. In other words, the personal traits mentioned in the job application form provide a clear picture of how the candidate will perform in actual if hired. For Example, if an organization has a vacant position of physical trainer than the recruiter would be searching for the candidate who regularly visits gym and has also mentioned this hobby in his job application form. Thus, by providing the personal information the job seeker helps recruiter to choose a potential candidate. On the other hand, there is a chance that employer might become partial while reviewing the resume of an applicant. They sometime may focus for a special trait and might be overlooking the special expertise that is required to perform for a particular position. For instance, if an employer is fond of playing cricket than there is a chance that the recruiter would be looking for a candidate who plays cricket and may accompany him on few cricket events. Thus, the additional information may sometimes make the employer biased towards few special hobbies. To sum up, the personal bio data of an applicant provides a clear path to the recruiters to whom they should hire but sometimes it becomes redundant and may become the reason of some partiality. So, in my opinion, the employees should only provide that data which are relevant to the position.
It is evident that while applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
always seek for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that the data they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
is quite instrumental. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they collect is crucial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them while choosing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
.
However
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
prejudiced on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
features.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
shared by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to hire" or "hire".
hiring
manager to deploy the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
on right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
traits mentioned in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
application form provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
picture of how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
will perform in actual if hired.
For Example
, if an organization has a vacant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
of physical trainer than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiter
would be searching for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
who
regularly
visits gym and has
also
mentioned this hobby in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
application form.
Thus
, by providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seeker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiter
to choose a potential candidate.

On the other hand
, there is a chance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
partial while reviewing the resume of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
. They sometime may focus for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
trait and might be overlooking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
expertise that
is required
to perform for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
For instance
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
is fond of playing cricket than there is a chance that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiter
would be looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
who plays cricket and may accompany him on few cricket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Thus
, the additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
biased towards few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
hobbies.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
bio data of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
path to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
to whom they should hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
redundant and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the reason of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
partiality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion, the employees should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide that data which are relevant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Other disagree. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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