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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that the information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. v.43

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that the information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. v. 43
Having a job is a necessity for folks in all stages of their life because it is the main method that human uses to build a life. Some managers ask applicants for some information that they consider as personal. It may include what they interested in and even their marital status. Some people agree and others disagree. In my opinion, it is something important for the employer and the employee. In the following lines, both views will be discussed. On one hand, some job seekers usually see that their hobbies, their favourite movies and songs and their marital status are something that work owner does not need to know because they think that it does not affect work at all. It will not make a change in the quality of work done by the employee. For example, when a doctor tries to diagnose a patient, his favourite singer or movie does not make any changes on his diagnosis. Hence, it is not necessary for patients or for a doctor's manager to know more about his personal information. On the other hand, others see that this information has its importance because they think it can influence the type of work. They see it from another concept. It can show how the employee thinks so, the manager can put him in proper position to maximize his efforts and to make him more active. For instance, there are some companies such as Google that apply this principle. They believe that if the has a better environment for work, he exerts more efforts. They use this data to study the employee's psychological status. Therefore, it is useful to get all data about the job seekers. In conclusion, I opt for the view that see it is advantageous to let a work manager to know more and more about his company future worker. It has many benefits and I think it will be a phenomenon in the future.
Having a job is a necessity for folks in all stages of their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the main method that human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
to build a life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
ask applicants for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information that they consider as personal. It may include what they interested in and even their marital status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disagree. In my opinion, it is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the employer and the employee. In the following lines, both views will
be discussed
.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job seekers
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that their hobbies, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
movies and songs and their marital status are something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
owner does not need to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it does not affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at all. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done by the employee.
For example
, when a doctor tries to diagnose a patient, his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
singer or movie does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on his diagnosis.
Hence
, it is not necessary for patients or for a doctor's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
to know more about his personal information.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this information has its importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it can influence the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it from another concept. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how the employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
can put him in proper position to maximize his efforts and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him more active.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Google that apply this principle. They believe that if the has a better environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he exerts more efforts. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this data to study the employee's psychological status.
Therefore
, it is useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all data about the job seekers.

In conclusion
, I opt for the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it is advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
to know more and more about his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
future worker. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it will be a phenomenon in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that the information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. v. 43

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that the information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. v.43