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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.42

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 42
These days, people who apply for jobs are asked to provide personal information like hobbies, interests and marital status by their potential employers. According to some, these details are vital for the employers. I agree with this process as it the onus of the employers to get the relevant data from candidate before deciding whether he or she is suitable for the position. Firstly, there are some concerns in sharing the personal data with employers as it puts the job seekers privacy at risk, especially when the employers are not protecting the personally identifiable information. However, this threat could be addressed by strictly following the basic guidelines mandated by the law. For instance, the General Data Protection Regulation act (GDPR) enforced by the European Union makes it an obligation of a company to protect the personal data of all its employees. Given that there are strict measures to protect data, the applicants could feel safe that their data is protected. On the other hand, the personal data shared by the potential employees are essential to match the job requirement against their personalities. Even a small detail may reveal a great deal about a person. For example, people who apply for sales job need to be an extrovert as they need to meet people from all walks of like and promote their company's products. Also, based on a person's interest employers can easily identify whether a candidate is outspoken or not. Moreover, some companies, especially startups, need their employees to work overtime during critical phases of their project life cycle. An employer would be able to judge whether the person would be able to do that based on his or her age, marital status and personal commitments. For instance, according to a recent Cambridge University study, people who are young and single are preferred by the startups as they are more flexible in their work timings. To conclude, though there are some concerns with respect to protecting personal data, it is essential for the employers to get to know the individual they are recruiting for the post by collecting relevant information. I concur that employers should collect only the data necessary for the position but nothing else.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are asked
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information like hobbies,
You should probably use "interest".
interests
and marital status by their potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this process as it the onus of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
from candidate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding whether he or she is suitable for the position.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns in sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
as it puts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers privacy at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
,
especially
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
are not protecting the
personally
identifiable information.
However
, this threat could
be addressed
by
strictly
following the basic guidelines mandated by the law.
For instance
, the General
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Data
Protection Regulation act (GDPR) enforced by the European Union
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it an obligation of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of all its employees.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that there are strict measures to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, the applicants could feel safe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is protected
.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
shared by the potential employees are essential to match the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirement against their personalities. Even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
detail may reveal a great deal about a person.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who apply for sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
need to be an extrovert as they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks of like and promote their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's products.
Also
, based on a person's interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can
easily
identify whether a candidate is outspoken or not.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
startups, need their employees to work overtime during critical phases of their project life cycle. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
would be able to judge whether the person would be able to do that based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
age, marital status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
commitments.
For instance
, according to a recent Cambridge University study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are young and single
are preferred
by the startups as they are more flexible in their work timings.

To conclude
, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns with respect to protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, it is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the individual they are recruiting for the post by collecting relevant information. I concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should collect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
necessary for the position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nothing else.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 42

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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