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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.31

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 31
When applying for a job, the employer usually asks questions about personal life. For instance, you might be asked about your marital status and passion. Critics argue whether this information is really beneficial or not. Interestingly, I believe that such information is valuable for various reasons, which will be discussed in this essay. Some people think that you should not be questioned about private life during interviews. It is thought that this information will be used for discrimination and favouritism. For example, if the employees do not share the same interests as the interviewee, they might lose the chance of getting employed despite their qualifications. Furthermore, some people might prefer to keep their life confidential. It is no doubt that being asked for work-related issues sounds more logical than hobbies and relationship status. However, it is advantageous. On the other hand, opposers find these data helpful. It is worth mentioning that being married or single might affect your work performance. In other words, as a married person, less time will be dedicated to work due to the need to spend time with the family, therefore, the job will only be given to someone who has enough free time. As a result, being overloaded with work will be avoided. With regard to the hobbies, it is important to work in a field which you are passionate about. This can only be guaranteed if the company you are applying to knows your points of interest, which will increase your job satisfaction. In a nutshell, I believe that collecting personal data is crucial for effective head hunting. What is the point of employing a worker who is not suitable? By asking these questions, employee welfare will increase along with motivation and productivity as discussed in this essay.
When applying for a job, the employer
usually
asks questions about personal life.
For instance
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be asked
about your marital status and passion. Critics argue whether this information is
really
beneficial or not.
Interestingly
, I believe that such information is valuable for various reasons, which will
be discussed
in this essay.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that you should not
be questioned
about private life during interviews. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that this information will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for discrimination and
Possible spelling mistake found.
favouritism
.
For example
, if the employees do not share the same interests as the interviewee, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lose the chance of getting employed despite their qualifications.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their life confidential. It is no doubt that being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
work-related issues sounds more logical than hobbies and relationship status.
However
, it is advantageous.

On the other hand
, opposers find these data helpful. It is worth mentioning that
being married
or single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance.
In other words
, as a married person, less time will
be dedicated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to the need to spend time with the family,
therefore
, the job will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to someone who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free time.
As a result
,
being overloaded
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
be avoided
. With regard to the hobbies, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a field which you are passionate about. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be guaranteed
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
you are applying to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "know".
knows
your points of interest, which will increase your job satisfaction.

In a nutshell, I believe that collecting personal data is crucial for effective
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
head hunting
. What is the point of employing a worker who is not suitable? By asking these questions, employee welfare will increase along with motivation and productivity as discussed in this essay.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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