Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.29

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 29
Although many people contradict with a method which is inquiring queries about the individual information of employees, for example their passion and also marital status on behalf of employers, others argue that this way may be advantageous and operational. Personally, I believe that the merits of these questions do outweigh the demerits and all interviewers should have a great scheme for this part. Actually, asking inquiries of people who intend to be employed in a position is the best way and also has many benefits for employers. Firstly, they can find that employees can do some particular assignments in terms of hardship, tolerance, and so on or not, these are the things, employers would definitely be fascinated by. Secondly, through this way they can recognize the interest of employees so as to consider a related position for them. What is more, if employers have some data about employees, they can prepare some facilities for them and also stimulate them to do their workloads in terms of quality and work productivity as well, On the other hand, some people have the opinion that this matter is futile. To illustrate, companies and offices need some essential info of people, such as work experience, education, skills, awards and honours, and so on. Besides, These people may think that personal details are private or worthless for employees. Moreover, they do not like to care about people who apply for jobs, in fact, they only expect to see the results of tasks. In conclusion, in my opinion, all employers should ask personal information from employees to make a harmonious atmosphere for them due to improvements in various jobs and also produce motivation for workers,
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contradict with a method which is inquiring queries about the individual information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
for example
their passion and
also
marital status on behalf of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
, others argue that this way may be advantageous and operational.
Personally
, I believe that the merits of these questions do outweigh the demerits and all interviewers should have a great scheme for this part.

Actually, asking inquiries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who intend to
be employed
in a position is the best way and
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
Firstly
, they can find that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular assignments in terms of hardship, tolerance, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on or not, these are the things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
would definitely
be fascinated
by.
Secondly
, through this way they can recognize the interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
consider a related position for them.
What is more
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, they can prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities for them and
also
stimulate them to do their workloads in terms of quality and work productivity
as well
,

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opinion that this matter is futile. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and offices need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential info of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as work experience, education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, awards and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honours' is British English.
honours
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Besides
, These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are private or worthless for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Moreover
, they do not like to care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who apply for jobs, in fact, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the results of tasks.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should ask personal information from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a harmonious atmosphere for them due to improvements in various jobs and
also
produce motivation for workers,
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts