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Throughout history, male leaders have lead us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Throughout history, male leaders have lead us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. with this opinion? v. 1
Humankind has had thousands combat in which we have led to lots of death. Some people believe by giving governments to women the rate of conflict will decrease. I do not believe to this point of view and think, virtually, there is no difference between female and male leaders when it comes to politics. Some individuals consider women are better leaders than men. This group claim that, the number of men who are in charge of society's leadership is far much more than women and that is why we have witnessed lots of conflict and violence today. According to this view, female’s temperament and personality might help us to make a better world by decreasing crimes and violence. Moreover, we can see the shining performance of those governments having women's leadership Germany for, instance, leading by Angela Merckel is a shining example of a flourished society. And also in recent diseases Covid 19, four of the five countries that have had superb performance have been led by women. On the other hands, our globe has witnessed some conflicts that ladies were triggered and launched. A strike between two nuclear powers, India and Pakistan happened three decades ago, surprisingly, they both were leading and governing by women. It sounds that weather governs by female or not change anything, the power can ruin and skew people's attitudes. The authorities, can easily corrupt by their authority and the sole approach that can avoid this issue is electing an appropriate and accountable individual for being on top of governments. If all societies opt for their leader in a democratic way, the rate of violence, crime and battle will definitely deplete. To conclude, I reaffirm my position that governing by ladies does not mean lessen struggle and conflicts.
Humankind has had thousands combat in which we have led to lots of death.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe by giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
will decrease. I do not
The usual collocation for "believe" is "in" not "to". Did you mean "believe in"?
believe to
this point of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
virtually
, there is no difference between female and male leaders when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to politics.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are better leaders than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. This group claim that, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who are in charge of society's leadership is far much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
that is
why we have witnessed lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
and violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. According to this view, female’s temperament and personality might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better world by decreasing crimes and violence.
Moreover
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the shining performance of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
having women's leadership Germany for, instance, leading by Angela
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merckel
is a shining example of a flourished society. And
also
in recent diseases
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
, four of the five countries that have had superb performance have
been led
by women.

On the other hands, our globe has witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
that ladies
were triggered
and launched. A strike between two nuclear powers, India and Pakistan happened three decades ago,
surprisingly
, they both were leading and governing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. It sounds that weather governs by female or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
anything, the power can ruin and skew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes. The authorities, can
easily
corrupt by their authority and the sole approach that can avoid this issue is electing an appropriate and accountable individual for being on top of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. If all societies opt for their leader
Consider replacing "in a democratic way" with the adverb for "democratic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a democratic way
, the rate of violence, crime and battle will definitely deplete.

To conclude
, I reaffirm my position that governing by ladies does not mean lessen struggle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Throughout history, male leaders have lead us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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