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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v.16

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 16
Some individuals hold the view that the authorities is should spend cash on arts but others think that the authority must invest on other issues. Such as, public services. It is a debatable. Although I agree that is important to spend wage on public services, but I do not think spending on the arts is a waste of wealth. To begin with, there are several reasons for spending the significant amount of the authority budget on public services. First and foremost, the ministry can spend its property on environmental issue because these issues have increased. Such as, global warming, deforestation and pollution. The rule can evolve such new vehicles that vehicles can less emissions through connecting the companies. Secondly, more cash can be spent in educating people. If people get an education so they can aware about the importance of our nature. Furthermore, this wealth could be better spent on natural habitats and sports rather spending on the arts. Because, our food chain is in endangered due to losing some elements. Apart from it, more money should be spent on roads, with which, the proportion of road accident could be reduced. On the other hand, the more important spending capital on elsewhere, the more important spending wage on arts. Because, the arts can show more beautiful to a country and it also has an important impact on our quality of life. Therefore, it does not mean that the arts should be completely neglected. To sum up, according to this essay, spending on public services and the arts is both essential for a nation so, spending payment on the arts is do not a waste of payment because it too provides important benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals hold the view that the authorities
Did you mean "it"?
is
should spend cash on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest on other issues. Such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. It is
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a debatable
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to spend wage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of wealth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the significant amount of the authority budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
First
and foremost, the ministry can spend its property on environmental issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these issues have increased. Such as, global warming, deforestation and pollution. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
can evolve such new vehicles that vehicles can
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun emissions is countable.
less
emissions through connecting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Secondly
, more cash can
be spent
in educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can aware
about the importance of our nature.
Furthermore
, this wealth could be better spent on natural habitats and sports
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, our food chain is in endangered due to losing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements. Apart from it, more money should
be spent
on roads, with which, the proportion of road accident could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

On the other hand
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
capital on elsewhere, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
wage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
to a country and it
also
has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
impact on our quality of life.
Therefore
, it does not mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be completely neglected.

To sum up, according to this essay,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is both essential for a nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
payment on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not a waste of payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it too provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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