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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v. 101 v.42

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 101 v. 42
Currently, the consumption of convenience food in several nations is leading to numerous health problems. Consequently, to limit this case, authorities should levy a higher tax on this type of food. Personally, I totally disagree with this statement because of the rationale following. First of all, it can be clearly seen that the fast food industry is one of the sources that contribute a massive amount of money to the national economy. To illustrate, due to the quick pace of life, people tend to have more frozen food; therefore, the number of products can be significantly purchased every day, which brings in substantial profits for manufacturers and governments. Moreover, the higher the demand is, the more food needs to be produced. This will create employment opportunities for lots of people to work in factories and produce goods for the public, thereby solving the unemployment problem. If policymakers impose a higher tax, it may impact adversely on the economy. Due to the increase in the price of canned food, the selling will decrease, leading to the scenario that ready meals are difficult to sell. As a result, the effort to try to tackle the current issue will definitely lead to a bigger one. Furthermore, imposing a higher tax can beget some unpleasant situations. To explain, if associations want to generate a high income while paying taxes, they will cut off some stages of the food process to reduce the production cost. For example, companies will not include the sterilized process, which is the most expensive one to invest, or they will import uncleaned food, which will considerably harm customers’ health after eating them. Hence, the original purpose of putting a higher tax cannot be fulfilled in view of a complete opposite result. In conclusion, imposing a higher tax seems to be ineffective to solve the growing predicament as it brings about numerous disadvantages. However, there are a few measures that governments could take instead, such as raising the awareness of individuals about the detrimental effects of eating too much junk food and launching advertising campaigns or programs that include scientists and doctors to instruct everyone to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Currently
, the consumption of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in several nations is leading to numerous health problems.
Consequently
, to limit this case, authorities should levy a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Personally
, I
totally
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rationale following.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry is one of the sources that contribute a massive amount of money to the national economy. To illustrate, due to the quick pace of life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to have more frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
therefore
, the number of products can be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
every day, which brings in substantial profits for manufacturers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Moreover
, the higher the demand is, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
needs to
be produced
. This will create employment opportunities for lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work in factories and produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for the public, thereby solving the unemployment problem. If policymakers impose a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, it may impact
adversely
on the economy. Due to the increase in the price of canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the selling will decrease, leading to the scenario that ready meals are difficult to sell.
As a result
, the effort to try to tackle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issue will definitely lead to a bigger one.

Furthermore
, imposing a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
can beget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant situations. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, if associations want to generate a high income while paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the production cost.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will not include the sterilized process, which is the most expensive one to invest, or they will import uncleaned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which will
considerably
harm customers’ health after eating them.
Hence
, the original purpose of putting a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
cannot
be fulfilled
in view of a complete opposite result.

In conclusion
, imposing a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
seems to be ineffective to solve the growing predicament as it brings about numerous disadvantages.
However
, there are a few measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could take
instead
, such as raising the awareness of individuals about the detrimental effects of eating too much junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and launching advertising campaigns or programs that include scientists and doctors to instruct everyone to lead a healthy lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 101 v. 42

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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