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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree/ Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.27

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree/ v. 27
It has been argued that whether sharing the personal information in jobs’ interviews is beneficial and important or not. In my opinion, I believe that sharing the personal data such as marriage, activities and hobbies will possibly be an advantage. On the one hand, some people consider sharing their personal information to the interviewers is a confidential issue. For example, having a family or not might not affect the qualifications required for the job. In addition, every person has his own personal space. Thus, playing football or dancing after the work time will be not the manager business as long as the employers finish their work both effectively and properly. On the other hand, I would side with those who agree to open up and share their personal data such as hobbies or activities. There are many benefits of showing up in the interviews. Firstly, many jobs require communication with others in order that this will be an opportunity to show one of the most important skills for hiring. For example, if you are applying for sales position, it will possibly need a good communicator and negotiator to make profitable deals. Secondly, it could help the interviewers in his decision in the hiring place. For instance, many managers allocate single workers in remote areas where they can adapt living as they do not have a family, and leave the center cities for the married ones because they are more likely to get benefit from schools and hospitals there. In conclusion, despite being restricted in sharing personal information in interviews, I hold the nation that it could be a chance to express person`s capabilities and skills.
It has
been argued
that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information in jobs’ interviews is beneficial and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or not. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data such as marriage, activities and hobbies will
possibly
be an advantage.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information to the interviewers is a confidential issue.
For example
, having a family or not might not affect the qualifications required for the job.
In addition
, every person has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space.
Thus
, playing football or dancing after the work time will be not the manager business as long as the employers finish their work both
effectively
and
properly
.

On the other hand
, I would side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to open up and share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data such as hobbies or activities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of showing up in the interviews.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs require communication with others in order that this will be an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for hiring.
For example
, if you are applying for sales position, it will
possibly
need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communicator and negotiator to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profitable deals.
Secondly
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the interviewers in his decision in the hiring place.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
managers allocate single workers in remote areas where they can adapt living as they do not have a family, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the center cities for the married ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from schools and hospitals there.

In conclusion
, despite
being restricted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information in interviews, I hold the nation that it could be a chance to express
The character between 'person' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "person’s" (curly apostrophe) or "person's" (straight apostrophe).
person`s
capabilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree/ v. 27

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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