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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give own opinion. v.25

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 25
In the last 30 years, the job market has been changing into a very competitive environment for both, employers and employees. This has been even more competitive for the job seekers. Nowadays, new applicants race towards showcasing their skills and points of strength, however; when it comes to personal information, there are two opposite views for two different groups of people. The first group of people and I believe that it is mostly relevant to include any personal information in job applications. These data might include things like hobbies and marital status. Relevantly, disclosing these aspects about a person's life can be considered helpful for some employers as they can give early signs of their expected working time in general. For instance, a single person is expected to have more flexibility to work overtime more than a married person. This has proven to be correct in my current workplace as many applicants tend to clarify many aspects about their life in order to provide the company with clear expectations and image of their capabilities. As well, my company has been very keen on avoiding the hiring of married couples, as she always chose to hire one of them only to avoid unnecessary competition between them. On the other hand, the opposing group puts more limits on the privacy of individuals, regardless of how this would affect their chances of being hired. Such limitation is reasoned by limiting employer interference in people's lives and decisions. As a matter of fact, there are no regulations that prohibit employers from receiving anything that was sent willingly by applicants as long as they do not share the application with a 3rd party. Accordingly, as I noticed in a previous firm that I worked for, the employer was extremely surprised by a 30 day leave permission that was requested by an employee who was very keen to participate in a yearly karate competition. Such situation has escalated faster and the corporation had to ask other individuals in the department to work more than 12 hours every day.
In the last 30 years, the job market has been changing into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive environment for both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and employees. This has been even more competitive for the job seekers.

Nowadays, new applicants race towards showcasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and points of strength,
however
; when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to personal information, there are two opposite views for two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The
first
group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and I believe that it is
mostly
relevant to include any personal information in job applications. These data might include things like hobbies and marital status.
Relevantly
, disclosing these aspects about a person's life can
be considered
helpful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
as they can give early signs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
working time
in general
.
For instance
, a single person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have more flexibility to work overtime more than a married person. This has proven to be correct in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
workplace as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applicants tend to clarify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects about their life in order to provide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
expectations and image of their capabilities.
As well
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen on avoiding the hiring of married couples, as she always chose to hire one of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to avoid unnecessary competition between them.

On the other hand
, the opposing group puts more limits on the privacy of individuals, regardless of how this would affect their chances of
being hired
. Such limitation
is reasoned
by limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
interference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and decisions.

As a matter of fact, there are no regulations that prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
from receiving anything that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
willingly
by applicants as long as they do not share the application with a 3rd party.

Accordingly
, as I noticed in a previous firm that I worked for, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
was
extremely
surprised by a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "30-day"
30 day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
permission that
was requested
by an employee who was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to participate in a yearly karate competition. Such situation has escalated faster and the corporation had to ask other individuals in the department to work more than 12 hours every day.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 25

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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