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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.18

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 18
Employers often ask job seekers about their personal information like marital status, leisure interests during job interviews. Some think these types of questions are helpful in the hiring process whereas others believe this is irrelevant. While such details are helpful in the recruitment procedure, I think human resource managers should know this information as it helps them in the selection of the right candidates for the post. On the one hand, the recruitment department must get personal information from people. This enables an employer to have in-depth knowledge of prospective employees. Some jobs demand long working hours, frequent traveling and to fulfill these criteria it is essential to have personal information of people. For example, the ministry of human resources of states conducted a survey which showed that employers who collected personal details of people during the job interview have a 50 % less attrition rate in their organization. I believe managers should have personal details of their workforce as it helps them to design jobs. On the other hand, job aspirant’s personal information such as hobbies, extra curriculum interests is not at all require as this will not of any use. Instead of this, people should ask for their job-specific experiences and skills. This kind of information is beneficial in the selection procedure and helps the employer in recruiting the right person. For instance, the Labour Association in the UK published an article that reveals the fact that job-specific information of employees proves more important than their details. However, I think a worker's personal interests should take into consideration. In conclusion, some would argue that the recruitment cell should collect personal details of job applicants. Others believe this information is not important. Employers should know their future employee’s likes and dislikes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
like marital status, leisure interests during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interviews.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these types of questions are helpful in the hiring process whereas others believe this is irrelevant. While such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
are helpful in the recruitment procedure, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
human resource managers should know this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in the selection of the right candidates for the post.

On the one hand, the recruitment department
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This enables an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
to have in-depth knowledge of prospective employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
demand long working hours, frequent traveling and to fulfill these criteria it is essential to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, the ministry of human resources of states conducted a survey which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
who collected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
interview have a 50 % less attrition rate in their organization. I believe managers should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of their workforce as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to design jobs.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
aspirant’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as hobbies, extra curriculum interests is not at all require as this will not of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Instead
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
their job-specific experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is beneficial in the selection procedure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
in recruiting the right person.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
Association in the UK published an article that reveals the fact that job-specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of employees proves more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a worker's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
interests should take into consideration.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that the recruitment cell should collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants. Others believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employers
should know their future employee’s likes and dislikes.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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