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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.17

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 17
In a corporate world, it is a standard hiring procedure to collect the personal details of prospective employees such as how do they spend their leisure time, and what is their marital status. Some people support this argument as they believe that this practice would help employers to find the most suitable candidate for vacancies. However, others hold the narrative that this approach could enforce talented candidates to not apply for a job as they believe that it would compromise their privacy. In this essay, I will illustrate both of the arguments and give my own opinion. On one hand, proponents of this approach argue that as it is essential for an employer to find the perfect match amongst a vast number of applications received for a position and often this task is given to a hiring team who requests personal information before recruiting a candidate. They opine that several jobs require people to work in a rotating shift environment and in this regard employers often look for a candidate who does not have any reservations to work in nights as well as in the evenings. For such kind of positions, employers often prefer a person who is not married and does not have family commitments. For instance, research suggests that in order to enhance the productivity I. T companies prefer to recruit those candidates who are single and who have an interest in computer technologies. As a result, they argue, that not only candidates focus and fulfil their responsibilities diligently but being an unmarried person allows them to work flexibly such as in nights or on weekends. On the other hand, detractors have their own viewpoint and they put forward the argument that the major drawback of this policy could be the decline in the talent pool of any country. It is no secret that people do vary in their nature, some are affable while the others are reserved and generally do not like to share their personal information with their friends and colleagues. In such situations, asking the prospective employees about their personal information could prompt them to drop their application for a job despite their abilities and relevant skills which would be the loss of society. For example, research conducted on human behavior suggested that a vast majority of professionals is working in the informal sector because they are reluctant to share their personal information and term it as a breach of privacy. In conclusion, although collecting personal data of candidates may help employers to get the most suitable employee. However, I believe that employers should obtain the consent of candidates before getting their personal information and that it should not be made compulsory which as a result could provoke many skilful candidates to look for other opportunities.
In a corporate world, it is a standard hiring procedure to collect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of prospective employees such as how do they spend their leisure time, and what is their marital status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support this argument as they believe that this practice would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to find the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
for vacancies.
However
, others hold the narrative that this approach could enforce talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
to not apply for a job as they believe that it would compromise their privacy. In this essay, I will illustrate both of the arguments and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On one hand, proponents of this approach argue that as it is essential for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
to find the perfect match amongst a vast number of applications received for a position and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
this task is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a hiring team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
requests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
recruiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
. They opine that several jobs require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work in a rotating shift environment and in this regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not have any reservations to work in nights
as well
as in the evenings. For such kind of positions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not married and does not have family commitments.
For instance
, research suggests that in order to enhance the productivity I. T
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to recruit those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are single and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have an interest in computer technologies.
As a result
, they argue, that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
focus and fulfil their responsibilities
diligently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being an unmarried person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to work
flexibly
such as in nights or on weekends.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, detractors have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
viewpoint and
they put forward the argument that the major drawback of this policy could be the decline in the talent pool of any country. It is no secret that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do vary in their nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are affable while the others
are reserved
and
generally
do not like to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with their friends and colleagues. In such situations, asking the prospective employees about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could prompt them to drop their application for a job despite their abilities and relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which would be the loss of society.
For example
, research conducted on human behavior suggested that a vast majority of professionals is working in the informal sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are reluctant to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and term it as a breach of privacy.

In conclusion
, although collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most suitable employee.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should obtain the consent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and that it should not
be made
compulsory which
as a result
could provoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
to look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opportunities.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
461 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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