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Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. v. 2
Research has proven that lawbreakers receive an inadequate degree of education. Many hold the opinion that, the most suitable way to lower criminal offenses, is by teaching those in jail the skills they need to acquire employment after their release. I agree with this notion to a certain extent. Firstly, many people are sent to prison due to crimes such as, theft and joining gangs that participate in illegal activities. This is because, they did not graduate from school, let alone college, to obtain the tools that they need to make money in an honest way. For instance, 2019 Statistics obtained from prison research revealed that 80% of criminal offenses are committed by uneducated individuals who have no other options to put food on their tables except by committing these acts. Therefore, educating these delinquent's during the time that they spent locked up, paves a way for them to receive income without breaking the law. Overall, this leads to a reduction in illegal activities. However, let us not ignore the fact that some law breakers are well educated. Which means that, the acts they commit are not driven by a lack of education, in fact they are driven by hate. Although they have spent time in prison for their acts, their mentality remains the same, especially if they are part of a cult. In these situations, no amount of knowledge can prevent them from repeating their offenses again. For example, people who are part of racist organizations like the KKK, will continue to kill black humans as they believe they are entitled to their cause. Undoubtedly, the application of teaching schemes in prison's will not uplift the burden of their crimes once their jail time is up. In conclusion, despite the many wrongdoer's that would refrain from criminal acts, once they are released from captivity, if they were to be taught imperative working skills, there are also those who already posses these skills and continue to cause havoc.
Research has proven that lawbreakers receive an inadequate degree of education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
hold the opinion that, the most suitable way to lower criminal offenses, is by teaching those in jail the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they need to acquire employment after their release. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to a certain extent.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prison due to crimes such as, theft and joining gangs that participate in illegal activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they did not graduate from school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone college, to obtain the tools that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money
Consider replacing "in an honest way" with the adverb for "honest"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an honest way
.
For instance
, 2019 Statistics obtained from prison research revealed that 80% of criminal offenses
are committed
by uneducated individuals who have no other options to put food on their tables except by committing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
.
Therefore
, educating these
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "delinquents"?
delinquent's
during the time that they spent locked up, paves a way for them to receive income without breaking the law.
Overall
, this leads to a reduction in illegal activities.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
law breakers are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
. Which means that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
they commit are not driven by a lack of education, in fact they
are driven
by hate. Although they have spent time in prison for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, their mentality remains the same,
especially
if they are part of a cult. In these situations, no amount of knowledge can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from repeating their offenses again.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are part of racist organizations like the KKK, will continue to kill black humans as they believe they
are entitled
to their cause.
Undoubtedly
, the application of teaching schemes in prison's will not uplift the burden of their crimes once their jail time is up.

In conclusion
, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "wrongdoers"?
wrongdoer's
that would refrain from criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, once they
are released
from captivity, if they were to
be taught
imperative working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, there are
also
those who already posses these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and continue to cause havoc.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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