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Some people do not allow their chikdren to participate in games, sports or competitions unless everyone gets a prize. Others think that children must learn to deal with winning and losing in order to be fully prepared for life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people do not allow their chikdren to participate in games, sports or competitions unless everyone gets a prize. Others think that children must learn to deal with winning and losing in order to be fully prepared for life. v. 1
In recent times, younger generations of parents believe that the best way to raise their children is by protecting them from feeling inferior to others, but there are also people who believe that their kids have to learn how to cope with frustration, in order to make them stronger and realize how the real world is. First of all, those parents who don’t let their children be part of competitions unless they get a symbolic recognition, have this posture because they think that if a child gets in touch with this type of events in early life, it can affect his or her self-esteem. They also think that this can make children feel that they are not good enough for certain types of activities, and this could make them avoid sport or other types of competitions in the future, banning themselves from a full experience in those activities, just because of a bad first impression. On the other hand, letting their sons or daughters participate in competitive activities, can help them to socialize with other children and prevent them from being shy. This can also help them learn that they have to be constant and disciplined in order to achieve something; and this would also let them know that they can’t always get the prize, but instead of feeling bad and drop the activity, they have to learn from that experience to become stronger and to work harder in order to improve themselves. Finally, I think that children must learn how to compete and participate in activities that only give recognition to the best performer, because this will help them understand that to achieve great things in life, you have to be disciplined and work hard.
In recent times, younger generations of parents believe that the best way to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is by protecting them from feeling inferior to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to cope with frustration, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stronger and realize how the real world is.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, those parents who don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be part of competitions unless they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a symbolic recognition, have this posture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
in touch with this type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in early life, it can affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
self-esteem. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them avoid sport or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of competitions in the future, banning themselves from a full experience in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
first
impression.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, letting their sons or daughters participate in competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to socialize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from being shy. This can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be constant and disciplined in order to achieve something; and this would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them know that they can’t always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the prize,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and drop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from that experience to become stronger and to work harder in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to compete and participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give recognition to the best performer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand that to achieve great things in life, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be disciplined
and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people do not allow their chikdren to participate in games, sports or competitions unless everyone gets a prize. Others think that children must learn to deal with winning and losing in order to be fully prepared for life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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